


The tale of AmazingGrace and 2Hot2Handle

by AppleJuice (frvits)



Series: You're the bomb dot com [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crude Humor, Eventual Jason Grace/Leo Valdez, F/F, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, actually is pointless, also he can be really mean sometimes, anyway click for colors i guess, beware chapter 16 lmaooo yknow why, but is actually really stupid, could be something really good, expect dumb, i swear im going to get back to the plot sooner or later, it took some time but octopus is finally in the tags, like actually really dumb, okay leo can be really mean when trying to be funny and im so sorry, overuse of links, random pictures from the internet, really dumb, someone get this child off the internet before he offends someone and there are no more valdezs left, the fuck word is used a lot, there used to be a plot but idk now even i dont know whats happening, this boy probably wears sketchers, this fic makes me wanna die, what even is a leo valdez
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 20:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6023587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frvits/pseuds/AppleJuice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>2Hot2Handle: </b>shit<br/><b>2Hot2Handle: </b>youre *that* jason<br/><b>2Hot2Handle: </b>damn<br/><b>2Hot2Handle: </b>uh</p><p>[almost everything is written in a series of messages]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. im in awe of your manliness

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing anymore oh well
> 
> also, im so sorry you homestuck fans, because we all know that the colors used, if were in homestuck, half of them would never actually talk to each other
> 
> im so sorry for everyone else, whose eyes haven't yet adapted to theses bright ass colors that are going to be used
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own pjo

You are now talking to a stranger. Say Hi!

Stranger: hello  
Stranger: m or f  
You: male???  
You: does it matter???  
Stranger: any f around?

You left chat.  


* * *

You are now talking to a stranger. Say Hi!

You: hey  
Stranger: adsfghjkl  
You: uh  
Stranger: shsdbhefhnfdnhkefnhef

Stranger left chat.  


* * *

You are now talking to a stranger. Say Hi!

Stranger: got boobs?

You left chat.  


* * *

You are now talking to a stranger. Say Hi!

Stranger: Hello  
You: hey  
Stranger: So…  
You: sorry  
You: i just expected something else  
Stranger: It’s fine  
Stranger: How are you?  
You: as amazing as ever  
You: hbu  
Stranger: I’m fine  
Stranger: Don’t mean to sound creepy, but male or female  
You: its cool  
You: male  
You: names leo, hbu  
Stranger: Male; Jason  
You: thats hot  
You: i mean thats a hot name  
You: thats what i meant to say  
You: i mean  
You: uh  
You: fuck  
Stranger: Ha, it’s fine.  
Stranger: Well, at least I know you’re not a six year old  
You: ???  
You: you creep  
You: stop creepin  
You: and to think we were having a civil conversation  
Stranger: Sorry.  
Stranger: It’s because you said the f-word  
Stranger: So I assume you aren’t too young  
You: the f word  
You: what are you, six  
You: real men say fuck  
You: they say it proudly  
You: fuck this  
You: fuck that  
You: fuck you  
You: fuck me  
You: fuck everything  
You: fuck it all man  
You: fuck  
Stranger: I’m in awe of your manliness.  
Stranger: Teach me your ways oh, manly Leo.  
You: fuck yeah  
You: see that  
You: the fuck word has been used correctly  
You: like a real man would use it  
Stranger: The ‘fuck word’  
Stranger: This is pretty great conversation  
Stranger: I’m sure I’m learning one heck of a lesson  
You: fuck yeah you are  
You: you see that jason  
You: hope you learn this lesson now  
You: cause this shit is going to be important  
Stranger: Thank you, manly Leo  
Stranger: Ah, my laptop is dying  
You: no fucking way  
You: but we need to finish this fuckery  
You: …  
You: okay that sounded weird  
Stranger: It did  
You: okay but we do need to finish this  
You: here  
You: talk to me @2Hot2Handle  
Stranger: Oh My Lord  
You: i bet your in awe of my name  
Stranger: You’re*  
You: fuck that  
Stranger: I am in much awe. I will send a message sooner or later @AmazingGrace  
You: amazinggrace huh  
You: what the heck does that mean  
Stranger: Blame it on one of my friends  
Stranger: I changed his name to @FishBoy if it matters  
Stranger: His dad, is a fisherman and he volunteers at the aquarium  
Stranger: Just puns  
You: punny  
You: i like you jason amazing grace  
Stranger: And I like you Leo Too Hot To Handle  
Stranger: Until we meet again?  
You: definitely  
You: i mean  
You: fuck yes

You left chat.


	2. i'm irremissable

2Hot2Handle: heeeeey  
AmazingGrace: It has only been an hour since our last meeting  
2Hot2Handle: so  
2Hot2Handle: you probably missed me  
AmazingGrace: Probably  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: you saying you didnt  
2Hot2Handle: cause thats like  
2Hot2Handle: literally impossible  
2Hot2Handle: how can you not miss me  
2Hot2Handle: im irremissable  
AmazingGrace: I think you mean: I’m irreplaceable  
2Hot2Handle: exactly  
2Hot2Handle: thats exactly what i am  
2Hot2Handle: thank you for noticing  
AmazingGrace: Of course  
2Hot2Handle: hmmm  
2Hot2Handle: you know who would like you [questionmark]  
2Hot2Handle: pipes  
AmazingGrace: Did you just write out questionmark  
2Hot2Handle: deal with it  
2Hot2Handle: i am not going to be dealing with your punctuation from the illuminati  
2Hot2Handle: im telling you  
2Hot2Handle: punctuation will be the end of you all  
AmazingGrace: Okay  
AmazingGrace: Who is ‘Pipes’  
2Hot2Handle: just one of the greatest people youll ever meet  
2Hot2Handle: shes only one of them  
2Hot2Handle: because i am the greatest person youve met  
2Hot2Handle: emphasis on the  
AmazingGrace: Why, of course you are  
2Hot2Handle: fuck yeah i am  
2Hot2Handle: anyway back to slightly less great pipes  
2Hot2Handle: her name is piper  
2Hot2Handle: shes okay for a girl  
2Hot2Handle: okayokayokay shes like my best friend of all time right next to deathbreath  
2Hot2Handle: but we will talk about deathbreath another time  
2Hot2Handle: under all the death and emo hes super cool  
2Hot2Handle: anyway back to piper  
2Hot2Handle: she completes me  
2Hot2Handle: @BeautyQueen  
2Hot2Handle: i think you might like her  
2Hot2Handle: but dont start dating her she has a girlfriend  
2Hot2Handle: actually she doesnt but we all know theyre going to be a thing soon  
AmazingGrace: Noted  
AmazingGrace: I’m sure she’s a great person  
2Hot2Handle: fuck yeah my amazingness probably rubbed off of her  
2Hot2Handle: like the oil rubbed on her clothes  
2Hot2Handle: which is actually why im twenty bucks in debt damn  
AmazingGrace: Uh  
AmazingGrace: You should talk to my best friend too  
AmazingGrace: His name is Percy, and I’m sure you two might get along  
AmazingGrace: He is @FishBoy if you can remember from our first conversation  
2Hot2Handle: sounds hot  
2Hot2Handle: and familiar  
2Hot2Handle: but still hot  
2Hot2Handle: stop it with all these hot people names  
2Hot2Handle: i have like two friends and we dont have hot people names  
2Hot2Handle: piper leo and nico arent hot people names  
2Hot2Handle: oh wait almost forgot callie  
2Hot2Handle: oops i meant calypso  
2Hot2Handle: she doesnt like it when i call her callie  
2Hot2Handle: or sunshine  
AmazingGrace: Sounds like fun  
2Hot2Handle: meh  
2Hot2Handle: its @BeautyQueen @GrimReaper and @SunshineIslands and moi  
2Hot2Handle: in case you havent notice we are just a bunch of dweebs  
AmazingGrace: No, it’s fine  
AmazingGrace: I have a handful of friends too  
AmazingGrace: @FishBoy, @Smartie121 @QueenReina @Panda_man @VivaLaPluto  
AmazingGrace: Oh yeah, and @TedDIEbear but we don’t actually like him  
AmazingGrace: I mean  
AmazingGrace: Ugh, just pretend I didn’t say that  
2Hot2Handle: wow  
2Hot2Handle: jason amazinggrace hating someone  
2Hot2Handle: what an amazing thing [insert exclaimationpoint]  
2Hot2Handle: you see what i did there  
2Hot2Handle: what an a-m-a-z-i-n-g thing  
2Hot2Handle: as in amazinggrace  
2Hot2Handle: ha im too funny for this world  
AmazingGrace: If you say so  
2Hot2Handle: okayokay im going to start a chat with me you fishboy and pipes  
AmazingGrace: Okay

* * *

2Hot2Handle invited AmazingGrace, BeautyQueen, and FishBoy to chat: ohmygod its a combination of friends together in one wowowowow

2Hot2Handle: okay so we have jason  
AmazingGrace: Present  
2Hot2Handle: dude wtf  
2Hot2Handle: no one says present  
2Hot2Handle: except for kissasses and goodietwoshoes  
2Hot2Handle: you say here not present  
2Hot2Handle: oh man dont ever say that nasty word in my presence again  
2Hot2Handle: it gives me shivers you goodietwoshoes  
2Hot2Handle: i mean unless were talking about gifts then say it all you want  
BeautyQueen: Leo what the heck are you rambling about  
BeautyQueen: And who are these people  
2Hot2Handle: oh look its piper  
2Hot2Handle: raise the alarms  
2Hot2Handle: the queen has come  
2Hot2Handle: the beauty queen has come  
2Hot2Handle: beware jason she might cut you with her claws  
2Hot2Handle: her hot pink claws  
BeautyQueen: Leo  
BeautyQueen: Leo  
BeautyQueen: Leo  
2Hot2Handle: do you hear that jason  
2Hot2Handle: thats her trying to lure me into her lair  
AmazingGrace: Oh no.  
2Hot2Handle: oh yes  
2Hot2Handle: this shit is happening  
2Hot2Handle: run before its too late  
BeautyQueen: Leo you are literally sitting on my bed  
BeautyQueen: Tapping into your laptop like a machine  
BeautyQueen: Stop looking at me like that  
BeautyQueen: We are literally sitting right next to each other  
2Hot2Handle: i cant believe you slipped a machine joke in this  
2Hot2Handle: and look jason  
2Hot2Handle: she got to me so fast  
2Hot2Handle: that im on her bed  
2Hot2Handle: watching a movie  
2Hot2Handle: and devouring pizza slices  
2Hot2Handle: at a sleepover  
2Hot2Handle: btw sleepover is the manly way to say slumber party  
2Hot2Handle: but she is doing horrifying things to me  
2Hot2Handle: shes painting my nails red and black  
2Hot2Handle: its actually not that bad if only she would fucking keep the paint off my skin  
2Hot2Handle: i mean its terrifying  
AmazingGrace: The terror  
2Hot2Handle: i know  
2Hot2Handle: and you should see her hideous face  
BeautyQueen: Leo  
BeautyQueen: I can literally unplug your laptop  
2Hot2Handle: actually you cant  
2Hot2Handle: because i have deathbreath sitting next to me  
2Hot2Handle: he will protect me  
2Hot2Handle: probably  
2Hot2Handle: wait no hes sleeping he fell asleep on me help  
AmazingGrace: He’ll*  
2Hot2Handle: ugh stop correcting me grammar nazi  
AmazingGrace: Sorry, couldn’t help myself  
BeautyQueen: So youre Jason  
BeautyQueen: My name is Piper  
FishBoy: hi piper!  
BeautyQueen: What  
AmazingGrace: Oh, Percy’s online  
2Hot2Handle: ooooooh partys getting started  
2Hot2Handle: hello percy  
2Hot2Handle: how you doin  
FishBoy: cool  
FishBoy: cool as a cucumber  
2Hot2Handle: thats great  
BeautyQueen: Leo what is going on  
2Hot2Handle: i can explain  
2Hot2Handle: but  
2Hot2Handle: i dont want to  
2Hot2Handle: so jason explain  
AmazingGrace: What  
AmazingGrace: Uh, well  
AmazingGrace: Leo and I met online  
2Hot2Handle: me and jason  
AmazingGrace: Jason and I*  
AmazingGrace: Anyway, we met online and just started talking  
AmazingGrace: And he had an idea for our friends to meet and talk  
AmazingGrace: So here we are now  
2Hot2Handle: amen  
2Hot2Handle: the truth has been served  
2Hot2Handle: on a delicious grease stained plate known as the pizza box filled with only crust  
BeautyQueen: Leo cant eat the crust  
2Hot2Handle: unfortunately  
FishBoy: i love the crust  
FishBoy: that sucks dude  
2Hot2Handle: i know [frownyface]  
AmazingGrace: Why can’t he eat crust?  
2Hot2Handle: the worst thing known to mankind  
2Hot2Handle: its so terrible it gives kids nightmare  
2Hot2Handle: its so scary it scares the boogeyman  
2Hot2Handle: its known as  
BeautyQueen: Braces  
2Hot2Handle: braces  
2Hot2Handle: hey i was going to say that  
AmazingGrace: I think Frank had braces before?  
FishBoy: retainer  
FishBoy: he doesn’t wear it now  
FishBoy: jason wears glasses  
FishBoy: he looks like a nerd sometimes  
FishBoy: but it looks okay on him  
AmazingGrace: Percy  
FishBoy: sorry not sorry  
2Hot2Handle: none of us wear glasses  
2Hot2Handle: but you know whats worse than glasses  
2Hot2Handle: acne  
2Hot2Handle: right piper  
2Hot2Handle: piper would know all about that  
BeautyQueen: Leo shut up  
2Hot2Handle: sorry cant tell if thats you speaking or the zit  
BeautyQueen: Whatever Metal Mouth  
BeautyQueen: I dont see you talking about Nicos acne  
2Hot2Handle: deathbreath aint here to read these  
2Hot2Handle: and i will never talk bad about my little baby  
2Hot2Handle: hes like my boyfriend but gayer  
2Hot2Handle: my gay soulmate  
AmazingGrace: Uh  
FishBoy: wait  
FishBoy: Nico?  
FishBoy: as in Nico Di Angelo?  
FishBoy: i think he did tell me something about having a group friends named piper and leo  
2Hot2Handle: ohhhh you know him  
2Hot2Handle: keep your hands off him hes mine  
FishBoy: dude thats my cousin  
FishBoy: hey wait i think ive met you before  
FishBoy: yeah leo valdez?  
2Hot2Handle: whoah whoah what the fuck man  
2Hot2Handle: how the heck do you know that  
FishBoy: your in my gym class this semester  
2Hot2Handle: wait wait wait  
2Hot2Handle: where do i know a percy  
2Hot2Handle: percy jackson [questionmark]  
FishBoy: yep  
2Hot2Handle: damn  
AmazingGrace: Wait, Leo Valdez?  
AmazingGrace: I’ve known you since practically forever  
AmazingGrace: You’re in my English class  
2Hot2Handle: hmmm  
2Hot2Handle: jason jason jason who is that  
2Hot2Handle: i know like five jasons who the heck is this one  
BeautyQueen: Jason Grace  
BeautyQueen: Oh Leo you know exactly who he is  
BeautyQueen: Oh yes. Yes you do  
2Hot2Handle: shit  
2Hot2Handle: youre *that* jason  
2Hot2Handle: damn  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: wow jason grace  
2Hot2Handle: okay wow i suddenly have to do something

2Hot2Handle left chat.


	3. we should make jackets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jfc, this chapter looks like a davekat fanfic, ~~im so sorry homestuck fans~~ (actually im not, davekat is my otp, suck it) even though the red is from kankri, and the blackish is from caliborn. :D

2Hot2Handle invited GrimReaper to chat: nicowtfhelpme

2Hot2Handle: hey nico  
GrimReaper: Yes?  
2Hot2Handle: so you know that really cool blond that we both know  
GrimReaper: I know many blonds.  
GrimReaper: Not many are particularly cool, but besides that.  
GrimReaper: Specify, which ‘really cool blond’ we are talking about.  
2Hot2Handle: okay now nico  
2Hot2Handle: im going to let you think this over  
2Hot2Handle: which cool blond do i usually talk about  
2Hot2Handle: and im not talking about your mancrush monday blond will  
GrimReaper: Grace?  
GrimReaper: Of course, we’re talking about this blond.  
GrimReaper: Why are you bringing him up?  
GrimReaper: Did you embarrass yourself in front of him again?  
2Hot2Handle: shut up that only happened once  
2Hot2Handle: jeez a guy falls and knocks a bowl of chili into his crushes pants and his gbf never lets him forget about it  
GrimReaper: Gbf?  
2Hot2Handle: yeah thats you  
2Hot2Handle: my gay best friend  
2Hot2Handle: we should make jackets  
2Hot2Handle: itll have flames and skulls  
2Hot2Handle: and on the back in pink glitter bubble letters  
2Hot2Handle: itll say gbf on the back with a rainbow underneath  
GrimReaper: I’ll start investing in the money for those now.  
GrimReaper: Let me just add it to my to-do list.  
GrimReaper: Now, let’s get back to the matters over Jason Grace.  
2Hot2Handle: oh yeah  
2Hot2Handle: him  
2Hot2Handle: so you know how hes like super perfect  
GrimReaper: You mean out of your league?  
GrimReaper: Which he’s not, but continue.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah hes like super popular and amazing  
2Hot2Handle: oh wait now i get it  
GrimReaper: Get what?  
2Hot2Handle: amazinggrace  
2Hot2Handle: ha thats great actually  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: he has like a majillion friends and sits in the middle of the cafeteria looking hawt  
2Hot2Handle: not hawt i mean hes looking fine  
2Hot2Handle: fuck  
2Hot2Handle: i mean he looks educated  
2Hot2Handle: yeah thats what i meant  
GrimReaper: Of course. Continue on.  
2Hot2Handle: so there would be no way he would talk to me ever  
2Hot2Handle: unless he wants hw answers right  
GrimReaper: I’m 100% sure that Grace does his own homework but continue.  
2Hot2Handle: well guess who this smooth motherfucker was talking to  
GrimReaper: Really?  
GrimReaper: You finally asked for his number?  
GrimReaper: Although, you guys were childhood friends, I’m sure he would’ve gave it to you anyway.  
2Hot2Handle: shush nico let me bask in my glory  
2Hot2Handle: and just cause we were child besties doesnt mean he cares about me now  
2Hot2Handle: he changed  
2Hot2Handle: i changed  
2Hot2Handle: hes above me now  
2Hot2Handle: gloriously above me  
GrimReaper: Don’t put Grace on a pedestal.  
2Hot2Handle: sorry babe  
2Hot2Handle: he already is on one  
2Hot2Handle: like a fucking model  
GrimReaper: You’re over exaggerating.  
GrimReaper: Grace hasn’t changed in the slightest.  
GrimReaper: You’re just a pussy.  
2Hot2Handle: whaaaaaaa  
2Hot2Handle: grace has totally changed  
2Hot2Handle: back when we were besties we were close  
2Hot2Handle: and then that stuff happened and i had to go to a bajillion foster cares all over the country  
GrimReaper: You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.  
2Hot2Handle: okay  
2Hot2Handle: after that stuff happened  
2Hot2Handle: when i moved back into this stupid town  
2Hot2Handle: jason was uber popular with a bunch of ladies hanging off his arm  
2Hot2Handle: he was chillin with his bitches in shades drinking martinis by his pool  
GrimReaper: I explicitly remember only one lady.  
GrimReaper: And that was his girlfriend. Current girlfriend I believe.  
GrimReaper: I don’t think Reyna would like to hear you call her 'one of Jason’s bitches.'  
GrimReaper: I also explicitly remember no sunglasses, martini's nor a pool. I don't even think Grace has a pool.  
2Hot2Handle: bitches aside  
2Hot2Handle: he is way above me  
2Hot2Handle: im like an ant  
2Hot2Handle: to a magnificent butterfly  
GrimReaper: That’s a terrible analogy.  
GrimReaper: All of this stuff is in your head.  
GrimReaper: This whole social pyramid is in your head.  
GrimReaper: Literally all of it. We’re all just teens trying to get through high school.  
2Hot2Handle: shush youre too young to understand this  
GrimReaper: We are literally the same age.  
GrimReaper: As a matter of fact, I’m actually older than you by months.  
GrimReaper: You’re just taller than me.  
2Hot2Handle: shush youngster  
2Hot2Handle: old man leo is talking  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: jason and i were talking online  
GrimReaper: And…?  
2Hot2Handle: it was  
2Hot2Handle: it was nice i guess  
GrimReaper: That’s great.  
2Hot2Handle: i know  
GrimReaper: Now, just ask him out.  
GrimReaper: Like you have wanted to do since eighth grade.  
2Hot2Handle: are you crazy  
2Hot2Handle: no way in hell am i doing that  
GrimReaper: You two live across the street from each other, and known each other for years.  
GrimReaper: You take the same bus everyday.  
GrimReaper: Just ask him if he wants to go see a movie.  
2Hot2Handle: we do take the same bus  
2Hot2Handle: but he sits in the back  
2Hot2Handle: you know with the cool people  
2Hot2Handle: and i sit in the front  
2Hot2Handle: with the lame people  
GrimReaper: Naturally.  
GrimReaper: You’re thinking too much into this.  
GrimReaper: Just ask him out.  
GrimReaper: It’s easy.  
2Hot2Handle: no way jose  
2Hot2Handle: it’s not that easy  
2Hot2Handle: i dont see you asking out your dreamboat  
GrimReaper: ?  
GrimReaper: Oh, yeah. Will.  
GrimReaper: I’m sure if I asked Will out, he’ll say yes.  
GrimReaper: And if he doesn’t, then I’m okay with that.  
GrimReaper: Asking someone out, and being rejected isn’t going to send my life to ruins.  
2Hot2Handle: youre crazy  
2Hot2Handle: i bet youll cry yourself to sleep if he says no  
2Hot2Handle: and youll eat ice cream and watch sappy movies  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper: That’s what you do when you miss the chance to give Jason a pencil.  
GrimReaper: Every. Time.  
2Hot2Handle: well maybe because its very traumatic for me  
2Hot2Handle: stop being so judgemental nico  
2Hot2Handle: im supposed to be the ass  
2Hot2Handle: while youre the cly  
GrimReaper: Asscly?  
2Hot2Handle: classy  
2Hot2Handle: cause we are classy together  
GrimReaper: Hold on.  
GrimReaper: I’m sorry, I was just laughing.  
GrimReaper: Excuse me Leo, but I’m all the class in this relationship.  
2Hot2Handle: and apparently all the sass now  
GrimReaper: Getting off track now. Back to Jason problems.  
2Hot2Handle: oh yes lets talk about my baby now  
GrimReaper: Future baby.  
GrimReaper: Actually, that’s wrong.  
GrimReaper: You’re not impregnating a woman to make Jason.  
GrimReaper: He’s more like your future husband  
2Hot2Handle: oh yes lets talk about my future husband now  
2Hot2Handle: is that better now  
GrimReaper: Better.  
GrimReaper: Now, let’s talk about your hot man candy.  
2Hot2Handle: well should i continue talking to him  
GrimReaper: Of course.  
2Hot2Handle: well i just awkwardly left a chat on monday with him in it  
2Hot2Handle: and it was because i found out who it was  
2Hot2Handle: and hes been giving me weird looks since than  
GrimReaper: Maybe he’s checking out the merchandise.  
2Hot2Handle: who isnt checking me out  
2Hot2Handle: no but seriously what do i do  
GrimReaper: Well, you left the chat on Monday.  
2Hot2Handle: yep  
GrimReaper: You know, today’s Sunday?  
GrimReaper: Have you been ignoring him for an entire week?  
GrimReaper: Wow, how did you royally fuck this one up?  
2Hot2Handle: oh shit  
2Hot2Handle: i didnt even notice  
2Hot2Handle: i was too busy wondering if i should actually talk to him that i didn't actually talk to him  
2Hot2Handle: he must think im a terrible person  
GrimReaper: When you moved away, you didn’t talk to him until you came back.  
GrimReaper: That was five years of not talking to each other.  
GrimReaper: I’m sure he can handle 144 hours of not talking to you.  
2Hot2Handle: omg  
2Hot2Handle: its been that long  
2Hot2Handle: thats a lot of hours  
GrimReaper: Okay, that comparison just completely flew over your head.  
GrimReaper: Just talk to him, already.  
2Hot2Handle: ugh  
2Hot2Handle: but what do i say  
GrimReaper: Do what you normally do.  
GrimReaper: Be yourself.  
2Hot2Handle: why thank you inspirational hallmark card  
2Hot2Handle: im sure thatll be very useful  
GrimReaper: Just.  
GrimReaper: Go.


	4. Leo stopped being a pussy

2Hot2Handle: hello my friend  
AmazingGrace: Uh Leo?  
2Hot2Handle: yes  
2Hot2Handle: it is i  
2Hot2Handle: the great leo valdez  
AmazingGrace: Leo, we’re like a couple of rows away from each other  
AmazingGrace: If you stood up, I would see you  
2Hot2Handle: psssh  
2Hot2Handle: whatever  
2Hot2Handle: its only cause we take the same bus to school  
AmazingGrace: Is something wrong?  
AmazingGrace: I can come sit next to you if you want  
2Hot2Handle: please dont  
2Hot2Handle: stop calling my name  
2Hot2Handle: i can hear you through my music  
AmazingGrace: Sorry, just turn around to face me  
2Hot2Handle: fine  
2Hot2Handle: omg  
2Hot2Handle: did you just wave at me  
AmazingGrace: Uh yeah?  
AmazingGrace: That’s what friends do  
2Hot2Handle: omg  
2Hot2Handle: wait what  
2Hot2Handle: since when are we friends  
AmazingGrace: Uh  
AmazingGrace: Haven’t we’ve always been friends  
AmazingGrace: Since we were practically babies.  
AmazingGrace: You remember, right  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: you and me  
2Hot2Handle: are friends  
2Hot2Handle: wow  
2Hot2Handle: uh i need to talk to someone  
AmazingGrace: Okay

2Hot2Handle invited GrimReaper, BeautyQueen, SunshineIslands to chat: holycrapihavefriendsnamedjasongrace

2Hot2Handle: guys  
2Hot2Handle: jason says me and him  
2Hot2Handle: are actually friends  
GrimReaper: That’s great and all, but I’m currently in the car with my Father, and I don’t think he’ll appreciate the sound of these notifications.  
GrimReaper: Great job, actually managing to talk to him again.  
2Hot2Handle: of course  
2Hot2Handle: i knew i could do it  
2Hot2Handle: i had no doubt in myself  
GrimReaper: Whatever you say, Leo.

GrimReaper left chat.

BeautyQueen: Calypso  
BeautyQueen: Did you hear  
BeautyQueen: Leo stopped being a pussy  
SunshineIslands: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ thats fantastic!  
SunshineIslands: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ congratulations Leo!  
2Hot2Handle: i know its great  
2Hot2Handle: pretty soon we will get engaged  
2Hot2Handle: and have mini leos and jasons  
2Hot2Handle: itll be fun  
2Hot2Handle: and me and jason  
2Hot2Handle: we will be in the sheets all night long  
2Hot2Handle: doing you know what  
BeautyQueen: Doing nothing because it took you a week to talk to him  
BeautyQueen: Imagine how long itll take for you to ask him out  
SunshineIslands: (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ shes got a point!  
2Hot2Handle: oh shush you  
SunshineIslands: (ง'̀-'́)ง  
SunshineIslands: (._.) i dont remember you being all happy like this when we were dating!  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
BeautyQueen: Ooooh Leos in trouble now  
SunshineIslands: :/ leo!  
2Hot2Handle: sorry uh  
2Hot2Handle: i have to go  
2Hot2Handle: my bus is uh stopping  
SunshineIslands: (¬_¬)  
2Hot2Handle: uh byee

2Hot2Handle left chat

2Hot2Handle: sorry about that jason  
AmazingGrace: No problem  
AmazingGrace: I was just talking to someone myself  
2Hot2Handle: oh look the bus is at school  
2Hot2Handle: see you later  
2Hot2Handle: uh i mean  
AmazingGrace: See you around Leo

AmazingGrace left chat.

2Hot2Handle: did i just say what i think i said

* * *

2Hot2Handle: dude  
2Hot2Handle: guess what i said earlier  
2Hot2Handle: i said see you later  
2Hot2Handle: and you know what he said back  
2Hot2Handle: see you around leo  
2Hot2Handle: as in me  
2Hot2Handle: he wants me  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper: Aren’t you in class right now?  
GrimReaper: You’re going to get me in trouble one of these days.  
2Hot2Handle: arent you in class right now  
2Hot2Handle: besides history is boring  
2Hot2Handle: jason grace however  
2Hot2Handle: is not  
GrimReaper: Naturally.  
GrimReaper: You’re lucky I’m in gym.  
2Hot2Handle: so why arent you in gym  
2Hot2Handle: throwing balls and stuff  
2Hot2Handle: [questionmark]  
GrimReaper: Because I am nursing an injury.  
GrimReaper: Drew can’t play tennis for shit.  
2Hot2Handle: ah yes drew tanaka  
2Hot2Handle: classic mean girl  
2Hot2Handle: senior who got left back  
2Hot2Handle: aka pipers older sister  
2Hot2Handle: hot but unachievable  
2Hot2Handle: on the social pyramid shes almost at the top  
GrimReaper: Oh yes, the ‘social pyramid’.  
GrimReaper: Drew’s actually a really nice girl when you get to know her.  
2Hot2Handle: she burned my shirt into ashes  
GrimReaper: In her defense, you did push her in a pool the day before  
2Hot2Handle: it was an accident  
2Hot2Handle: i swear  
2Hot2Handle: okay maybe it wasnt  
2Hot2Handle: she still burned my shirt  
GrimReaper: Oh no, not the shirt that was permanently stained with oil.  
GrimReaper: What an evil soul she is.  
GrimReaper: Neon yellow wasn’t a good color on you anyway.  
2Hot2Handle: anyway back to jason  
2Hot2Handle: he said hell see me around  
2Hot2Handle: that means something right  
GrimReaper: Well, you do share the next class with him.  
GrimReaper: Unfortunately, so do I.  
GrimReaper: When I signed up for AP Lang, I wasn’t expecting you and Calypso to join.  
2Hot2Handle: oh shit  
2Hot2Handle: speaking of callie  
2Hot2Handle: uh remember a while back when i was dating her  
GrimReaper: Freshman year.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah  
2Hot2Handle: well i think shes kind of mad at me  
GrimReaper: So I’ve heard.  
2Hot2Handle: wait what  
GrimReaper: The world doesn’t revolve around you, Leo.  
GrimReaper: People tell me stuff too.  
2Hot2Handle: so what do i do  
GrimReaper: So let me get this straight.  
GrimReaper: The problem was that she’s a little sad about how much enthusiasm you’re showing for your crush on Jason, because you didn’t show that much with her.  
2Hot2Handle: yup  
GrimReaper: And did you tell her why?  
2Hot2Handle: youre crazy  
2Hot2Handle: how do you tell your ex  
2Hot2Handle: that when you were dating her you liked someone else  
2Hot2Handle: itll break her heart  
GrimReaper: Unless she already knows.  
GrimReaper: Which of course, she does not.  
2Hot2Handle: well duh  
2Hot2Handle: only you know  
GrimReaper: And Piper?  
2Hot2Handle: only knows i like jason but not for how long  
2Hot2Handle: i think she likes him too  
2Hot2Handle: but not so sure about that one  
GrimReaper: I’ll ask her if you want me too.  
2Hot2Handle: thanks babe  
GrimReaper: Why of course.  
GrimReaper: Now, can we finish this conversation later?  
2Hot2Handle: sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Nico and Piper's conversation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/13847134)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ~~**Edit: There seems to be some glitch with the html, that doesn't let [Dirk/Davesprite] the yellow color for Calypso to show up, so uh, sorry about that (It's not only happening to me lol, I've seen it for a few other fics omfg). I'm not going to change the color to a new one, because I was pretty set on that one. Sorry about that, hopefully that might get fixed. :D**~~ jk, it was fixed IGNORE


	5. everyone chill out im here to fix it all

2Hot2Handle: okay i told her  
GrimReaper: Who?  
2Hot2Handle: callie  
2Hot2Handle: i told her what happened  
2Hot2Handle: in an email  
GrimReaper: Forward it to me.  
2Hot2Handle: will do  
2Hot2Handle: oooh someones trying to reach me

* * *

FishBoy added 2Hot2Handle to chat: JaSoN’s CaR tRoUbLeS

VivaLaPluto: WhatIfItWasAnAccident?  
QueenReina: → It doesn’t matter. He still crashed my car ←  
FishBoy: he didn’t mean anything by it, i’m sure of it.  
Smartie121: Is anyone else concerned by Percy’s own decision to add in an unknown person?  
Smartie121: Or has that position been left entirely up to me?  
QueenReina: → Percy? What is the meaning of this? ←  
FishBoy: uh that’s leo.  
FishBoy: he volunteers at an autoshop. so he can fix reyna's car.  
2Hot2Handle: leo valdez at your service  
2Hot2Handle: uh except what the fuck  
2Hot2Handle: wait youre all jasons friends  
Smartie121: You’re*  
Smartie121: Jason’s*  
Smartie121: Your typing is terrible, but Jason chooses interesting people to be friends with.  
Smartie121: Like seaweed brain over here.  
FishBoy: how come we can’t all just let that go?  
FishBoy: i go skinny dipping once, and come back covered in seaweed. LET IT GO ALREADY!  
VivaLaPluto: HeyIKnowYou!  
VivaLaPluto: WeWentToTheSameElementarySchoolForAFewYears!  
2Hot2Handle: we did [questionmark]  
FishBoy: reyna’s gone silent.  
FishBoy: which means someone’s going to die.  
Smartie121: Percy.  
QueenReina: → I can fix my own car. ←  
2Hot2Handle: i dont know lady  
2Hot2Handle: wait whats even going on  
VivaLaPluto: JasonCreatedADentInReyna’sCarByAccident!  
QueenReina: → If you believe it’s an accident. ←

QueenReina left chat.

2Hot2Handle: whoah whats up with her  
Smartie121: Nothing that concerns you. It's personal stuff.  
FishBoy: relationship problems with jason.  
Smartie121: Percy!  
FishBoy: sorry.  
FishBoy: leo’s jason’s friend too.  
FishBoy: since reyna doesn't want your help with her car dent,  
FishBoy: maybe you can help with the other half of that relationship.  
FishBoy: bring up jasons mood.  
VivaLaPluto: That’sAGreatIdeaPercy!  
FishBoy: yeah i'm filled with them.  
Smartie121: That was actually really smart. Good job.  
FishBoy: why, thank you wise girl.  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
2Hot2Handle: so you guys are jasons closest friends  
2Hot2Handle: and you want me to deal with him  
Smartie121: Technically, Percy would know him the best, but from what I’ve heard, you’ve known him the longest.  
2Hot2Handle: why does everyone keep saying me and him are friends  
2Hot2Handle: things change [exclamationmark]  
FishBoy: well, don’t you want to be friends with him now?  
Smartie121: From what I’ve heard, you two used to be really close with each other.  
VivaLaPluto: JasonStillHasPicturesWithYouInThem!  
VivaLaPluto: They’reAdorable!  
FishBoy: come on dude  
2Hot2Handle: ugh  
2Hot2Handle: fine  
2Hot2Handle: but this only cause youre forcing me  
2Hot2Handle: thats the only reason  
2Hot2Handle: not for anything else  
FishBoy: whatever you say, man.

2Hot2Handle left chat

 

* * *

2Hot2Handle: hey neeks did you finish reading the email  
GrimReaper: Of course.  
GrimReaper: That was a very sentimental email you sent.  
GrimReaper: Of course, there were those few mistakes.  
GrimReaper: Like the fact everything was written in lowercase.  
GrimReaper: But it’s alright.  
GrimReaper: I’m sure she’ll understand.  
2Hot2Handle: thats exactly what i need  
2Hot2Handle: uh so you know jasons friends  
GrimReaper: Percy? Annabeth? Hazel? Frank? ...Octavian.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah those  
2Hot2Handle: oh and queenqueen  
GrimReaper: Reyna? As you earlier called her, ‘one of Jason’s bitches’?  
2Hot2Handle: yeah her  
2Hot2Handle: what do you think about them  
GrimReaper: I would be incredibly biased if I answered that question.  
GrimReaper: Percy's my cousin, making him and Annabeth close. Nevermind the fact that Annabeth could probably kick my ass if I said something bad about her.  
2Hot2Handle: true  
2Hot2Handle: she and queenqueen will kick my ass  
2Hot2Handle: but dont tell jason that i dont want him to think his s/o is weak  
GrimReaper: Uh huh.  
GrimReaper: Hazel is my step-sister, because we share the same dad.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
GrimReaper: It's complicated.  
GrimReaper: Frank is a generally nice guy, so I can't really say crap about him.  
GrimReaper: And Octavian? Yeah, I don't really care about him.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah fuck that guy [exclamationmark]  
GrimReaper: Whoa, dude, chill out I didn't say that.  
GrimReaper: Anyway, I'm kind of connected with most, or feel indifferent to them.  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
GrimReaper: Why are you asking?  
2Hot2Handle: no reason  
2Hot2Handle: well  
2Hot2Handle: they kind of are pressuring me into talking to jaybae  
GrimReaper: Jaybae?  
GrimReaper: Oh, yes Jason. Continue.  
2Hot2Handle: so apparently  
2Hot2Handle: he made a dent in queenqueens car  
2Hot2Handle: and there was already tension in between them  
2Hot2Handle: so now they want me to talk to jaybae about it  
2Hot2Handle: so he can sort out his feelings  
GrimReaper: Mhm.  
GrimReaper: Who were these people?  
GrimReaper: The one’s ‘pressuring’ you?  
2Hot2Handle: oh them  
2Hot2Handle: i mean they werent really pressuring me  
2Hot2Handle: we all know i was just going to talk to him anyway like a creepy stalker  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: percy  
2Hot2Handle: annabeth  
2Hot2Handle: hazel  
2Hot2Handle: i think  
GrimReaper: Interesting.  
GrimReaper: And then what happened?  
2Hot2Handle: uhhhhhh  
2Hot2Handle: i started talking to you  
GrimReaper: You mean you didn’t talk to him yet?  
GrimReaper: Well, go on  
2Hot2Handle: ugh fine  
2Hot2Handle: but im bad at comforting  
GrimReaper: Well, his girlfriend seems to be mad at him. Wouldn’t this be the perfect time and slip into her spot?  
2Hot2Handle: good counter argument  
2Hot2Handle: i like the way you think  
GrimReaper: That’s why I’m here.

* * *

2Hot2Handle: hey jay  
AmazingGrace: Hey, Leo  
2Hot2Handle: whoa man  
2Hot2Handle: it took you ten minutes to respond to that  
2Hot2Handle: usually it takes you immediately  
2Hot2Handle: whats up with you  
AmazingGrace: Nothing  
AmazingGrace: Just tired of stuff  
2Hot2Handle: whoa sorry man  
2Hot2Handle: i heard about you and queenqueen  
AmazingGrace: QueenQueen?  
2Hot2Handle: girlfriend  
AmazingGrace: Oh.  
AmazingGrace: Her.  
2Hot2Handle: you can talk to me about it if you want  
2Hot2Handle: or dont  
2Hot2Handle: i know we just started being friends again  
2Hot2Handle: and i dont want to make things complicated for you  
AmazingGrace: It’s fine  
AmazingGrace: I don’t want to really talk about it with anyone  
AmazingGrace: Just want to go out and ignore all that junk  
AmazingGrace: You get me?  
2Hot2Handle: duh  
2Hot2Handle: i feel that way all the time  
2Hot2Handle: remember when we were like four  
2Hot2Handle: and we were at the beach  
2Hot2Handle: and then you nearly drowned  
2Hot2Handle: but you were giggling like an idiot  
AmazingGrace: Heh, yeah  
AmazingGrace: My sister said I was the dumbest four year old in the world  
2Hot2Handle: haha remember that time when you tried to eat a stapler  
2Hot2Handle: omg  
2Hot2Handle: that was the best  
2Hot2Handle: after that i nearly ate a pencil just because you were eating stuff too  
AmazingGrace: Ha! I remember that! Thalia ran inside the room when I started crying, and then she had to yank that pencil away  
AmazingGrace: But for some reason you kept trying to eat it, oh my god  
2Hot2Handle: hahahahaha that was great  
AmazingGrace: Yeah, it really was  
2Hot2Handle: oh wow my phone is at five percent  
2Hot2Handle: hey  
2Hot2Handle: see you later alright  
AmazingGrace: Duh  
AmazingGrace: And hey, Leo?  
2Hot2Handle: yeah [questionmanrk]  
AmazingGrace: Thanks  
2Hot2Handle: no problem

2Hot2Handle left chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Leo's e-mail to Calypso](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/13926186)
> 
>  
> 
> **Preview of next chapter (because why not?) to be posted next friday:**
>
>>   
>  2Hot2Handle: so out of your entire group of friends   
>  2Hot2Handle: and out of the whole school   
>  2Hot2Handle: you   
>  2Hot2Handle: want to   
>  2Hot2Handle: go out   
>  2Hot2Handle: with me   
> 


	6. approval

AmazingGrace: Good Morning Leo  
2Hot2Handle: did you just wake me up  
2Hot2Handle: for school  
2Hot2Handle: you monster  
AmazingGrace: It’s Saturday  
2Hot2Handle: did you just wake me up  
2Hot2Handle: on saturday  
2Hot2Handle: at 11:59  
2Hot2Handle: you monster  
AmazingGrace: Let’s go out  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: whaaaaaat  
AmazingGrace: To the movies  
AmazingGrace: Leo?  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: yes [questionmark]  
AmazingGrace: Er, nevermind  
2Hot2Handle: uh huh  
2Hot2Handle: what about our date  
2Hot2Handle: i mean  
2Hot2Handle: fuck  
2Hot2Handle: fuck there is no save from this  
AmazingGrace: It’s not a date  
2Hot2Handle:   
AmazingGrace: I have an extra ticket  
AmazingGrace: Originally I was supposed to go with  
AmazingGrace: Her.  
AmazingGrace: But we’re not talking to each other at the moment  
2Hot2Handle: queenqueen [questionmark]  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: so out of your entire group of friends  
2Hot2Handle: and out of the whole school  
2Hot2Handle: you  
2Hot2Handle: want to  
2Hot2Handle: go out  
2Hot2Handle: with me  
AmazingGrace: Uh, yeah  
2Hot2Handle: welp  
2Hot2Handle: cant argue with that  
2Hot2Handle: ill totally go out with you  
2Hot2Handle: fuck  
2Hot2Handle: what i meant to say was  
2Hot2Handle: ill totally go out with you on this date  
2Hot2Handle: double fuck  
2Hot2Handle: i mean  
AmazingGrace: I get it  
AmazingGrace: I’ll pick you up at 3  
2Hot2Handle: what the heck do you mean youll pick me up  
2Hot2Handle: you can literally walk across the street to get me  
2Hot2Handle: and we will ride our bikes into the sunset  
AmazingGrace: The sun doesn’t set at 3 PM  
2Hot2Handle: shush child  
AmazingGrace: See you, then

* * *

2Hot2Handle: heeeeeeeeeeeeelp  
2Hot2Handle: i think he asked me out on a date  
BeautyQueen: Thats great  
BeautyQueen: It means he likes you  
2Hot2Handle: nooooooooooooo  
2Hot2Handle: i dont have anything to wear  
2Hot2Handle: what color do i look hot in  
2Hot2Handle: wait should i look hot or cool  
2Hot2Handle: ugggggggggggggggggggggh  
BeautyQueen: You really shouldnt ask me  
BeautyQueen: Ask cals  
2Hot2Handle: id rather not  
2Hot2Handle: ill just end up in a dress  
2Hot2Handle: plus im giving her some time  
BeautyQueen: Alright  
BeautyQueen: Then ask nico  
2Hot2Handle: oh yeah  
2Hot2Handle: i guess i could talk to him  
2Hot2Handle: except he has piano lessons on saturdays  
2Hot2Handle: like right now  
BeautyQueen: Sigh  
BeautyQueen: Fine  
2Hot2Handle: yay  
BeautyQueen: Im coming over with clothes  
BeautyQueen: But  
BeautyQueen: Im bringing Drew with me  
2Hot2Handle: not yay  
2Hot2Handle: ugh fine  
BeautyQueen: See you in ten minutes

* * *

FishBoy invited 2Hot2Handle to chat

FishBoy: so i hear that you  
FishBoy: and Jason,  
FishBoy: are going on a date.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: how the heck do you know that  
FishBoy: me and him talk.  
FishBoy: i’m his best friend, remember?  
FishBoy: i know things.  
2Hot2Handle: thats  
2Hot2Handle: unsettling  
FishBoy: ha  
FishBoy: i know stuff about you  
FishBoy: i know stuff about jason  
FishBoy: heh  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: tell me something about me  
FishBoy: you’re allergic to tuna,  
FishBoy: and pineapple?  
2Hot2Handle: holy shit  
2Hot2Handle: are you a wizard  
FishBoy: muhahahaha  
2Hot2Handle: tell me something about jason  
FishBoy: hmm...  
FishBoy: there are so many things that he doesn’t want told.  
FishBoy: but i like you so i’m trusting you.  
FishBoy: so you know how reyna and him are all over each other?  
2Hot2Handle: everyone in the hemisphere knows  
FishBoy: well, our little blond is a virgin.  
2Hot2Handle: [gasp]  
2Hot2Handle: no way  
FishBoy: yes way.  
2Hot2Handle: ha thats hilarious  
FishBoy: aren’t you a virgin too?  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: shut up  
2Hot2Handle: new topic  
2Hot2Handle: whyd you want to talk to me  
FishBoy: oh yeah.  
FishBoy: i wanted to say that i approve.

FishBoy left chat

* * *

2Hot2Handle: and then he said  
2Hot2Handle: i approve  
2Hot2Handle: but approve of what [frustrated questionmarks]  
GrimReaper: He approves of you, most likely.  
2Hot2Handle: you lost me in six words  
GrimReaper: He approves of you. Simple as that.  
2Hot2Handle: for whaaaaaat  
GrimReaper: He believes you are okay when it comes to dating his best friend.  
2Hot2Handle: not dating  
GrimReaper: He believes you are okay when it comes to not-dating his best friend.  
2Hot2Handle: thank you  
2Hot2Handle: hmm do you approve of jason  
GrimReaper: I’d support anyone you choose to like.  
GrimReaper: Except for Octavian, he rubs me the wrong way.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah  
2Hot2Handle: whoah wtf  
2Hot2Handle: hes trying to message me  
GrimReaper: Then answer.  
GrimReaper: I also have someone to talk to.  
2Hot2Handle: uggggggggh  
2Hot2Handle: fine

TedDIEbear invited 2Hot2Handle to chat

TedDIEbear: Ew i can,t believe i have to talk to yoU  
TedDIEbear: But unfortunately i need tO  
TedDIEbear: My idiot friends believe you and jason are going to be the next big thinG  
TedDIEbear: And let me just saY  
2Hot2Handle: we arent dating

2Hot2Handle left chat.

2Hot2Handle: mkay neeks  
2Hot2Handle: oh yeah youre busy  
2Hot2Handle: ill just stay here  
2Hot2Handle: waiting patiently  
2Hot2Handle: fuck that im not patient  
2Hot2Handle: its almost 3 anyway  
2Hot2Handle: wish me the bestest of luck yo

2Hot2Handle left chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Percy and Jason's conversation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/13904974)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Nico and Percy's conversation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/14263009)


	7. Chapter 7

AmazingGrace: Hey Leo, I’m at your front door  
2Hot2Handle: alright hold on

* * *

2Hot2Handle: hey cals  
SunshineIslands: (◕‿◕✿) good afternoon leo!  
2Hot2Handle: weve been on tons of dates  
SunshineIslands: (｡◕‿◕｡) yep! they were fun!  
SunshineIslands: ಠ~ಠ why? whats on your mind?  
2Hot2Handle: well can you give me some tips  
2Hot2Handle: on things i shouldnt do  
SunshineIslands: (｡◕‿◕｡) hmm i can give you tips!  
SunshineIslands: (｡◕‿◕｡) rule number one  
SunshineIslands: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ dont act like leo!!!  
SunshineIslands: (｡◕‿◕｡) everything would work just fine after that  
2Hot2Handle: jesus h christ calypso  
2Hot2Handle: i cant deal with you sometimes  
SunshineIslands: (◕‿◕✿)

* * *

2Hot2Handle: niccoooooooooooooooooooo  
GrimReaper: Yes? That was quite the number of O’s.  
GrimReaper: I don’t particularly remember there being that many O’s on my birth certificate, but I guess I’ll have to check.  
2Hot2Handle: shut up you sassy dork and help me  
GrimReaper: Wait, aren’t you on a date?  
2Hot2Handle: its not a date  
2Hot2Handle: i mean at least thats what jason said  
2Hot2Handle: but it totally is  
GrimReaper: Are you on a date or not?  
2Hot2Handle: i prefer saying im on a sexual tensioned rollercoaster of love  
2Hot2Handle: ohhh damn that should be a song lyric  
2Hot2Handle: ill get famous and be rich and jason would be my sugardaddy  
GrimReaper: That’s not how sugar daddies work, Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: and how do you know that  
2Hot2Handle: i dont remember you being a sugardaddy  
GrimReaper: Sugar daddies aside, aren’t you supposed to be spending Jason time right now?  
2Hot2Handle: look at that  
2Hot2Handle: youre avoiding the subject you sugar daddy  
2Hot2Handle: its cool ill keep your secret for now  
2Hot2Handle: and nah hes in the bathroom  
GrimReaper: For this long?  
2Hot2Handle: okay dont be mad  
2Hot2Handle: but i may or may have not  
2Hot2Handle: accidentally spilled cola on him  
2Hot2Handle: like i said i may or may have not been me  
2Hot2Handle: also did i mention he has a nice shirt  
2Hot2Handle: he should wear plaid shirts more often he makes them look hot  
GrimReaper: Leo. How did you manage to spill soda on him? Aren’t you guy watching a movie?  
2Hot2Handle: well you see  
2Hot2Handle: the movie ended a few hours ago  
2Hot2Handle: so we were just chatting and walking around and stuff  
2Hot2Handle: did i ever tell you how great of a conversationalist he is  
GrimReaper: No. Mainly because for the past few years, the only conversation you’ve shared was “Can I borrow a pencil?” with a response that is only stuttering and mumbles.  
2Hot2Handle: ouch that hurt  
2Hot2Handle: what happened to you  
2Hot2Handle: yeeeesh are you okay  
GrimReaper: Sorry.  
GrimReaper: Look, I’ve got to go. Homework to do and stuff.  
2Hot2Handle: bye babe

GrimReaper left chat

2Hot2Handle: uh okay then

* * *

FishBoy: hi leo, how was your date?  
2Hot2Handle: so it was a date  
2Hot2Handle: i knew it  
FishBoy: well of course it was!  
FishBoy: what else would it be?  
2Hot2Handle: an emotional rollercoaster that doesnt end  
FishBoy: what.  
2Hot2Handle: just two guys hanging out  
2Hot2Handle: i mean thats what jay said  
FishBoy: jay? you call jason jay?  
2Hot2Handle: uhhhhhhhhh  
FishBoy: oh it's cool.  
FishBoy: totally cool.  
FishBoy: very cool.  
FishBoy: did jason return you to your house like a proper gentleman?  
2Hot2Handle: well we live across the street from each other  
2Hot2Handle: and we rode our bikes to the theater  
2Hot2Handle: but he did walk me to my porch i guess  
2Hot2Handle: so sure  
FishBoy: hmm  
FishBoy: that is good to hear  
FishBoy: well, as long as everything’s cool and stuff  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
FishBoy: oh no, what did jason do?  
FishBoy: lemme guess, he expressed his dying love for you?  
2Hot2Handle: wait what no  
2Hot2Handle: wait is that an option  
2Hot2Handle: can we just keep the suggestion for the future  
2Hot2Handle: just whats up with your cousin  
FishBoy: who?  
2Hot2Handle: nico  
FishBoy: oh, yeah him. I wouldn’t know.  
FishBoy: he has chosen not to talk to me as of recently.  
FishBoy: plus he calls me stupid sometimes D’:  
2Hot2Handle: are you sure he doesn’t mean that your idea is stupid  
2Hot2Handle: because he does the same to me [frowny face]  
FishBoy: i know, right!  
FishBoy: maybe he just hates our happiness!  
2Hot2Handle: probably  
2Hot2Handle: most likely  
2Hot2Handle: definitely  
FishBoy: well, i don’t know what’s up with him.  
2Hot2Handle: alright  
2Hot2Handle: see ya  
FishBoy: probably. you know with jason and you getting married.  
2Hot2Handle: wait what  
FishBoy: :D

FishBoy left chat

2Hot2Handle: damn it percy

* * *

2Hot2Handle: jason  
AmazingGrace: Hey  
AmazingGrace: I was just about to message you  
2Hot2Handle: yeah  
2Hot2Handle: i think i left my sweater with you  
2Hot2Handle: soo uhh  
AmazingGrace: It’s cool  
AmazingGrace: You can come over to take it if you want to  
2Hot2Handle: so can you just like send it to my porch cause its not too far or anything  
AmazingGrace: Oh, I guess I can do that instead  
2Hot2Handle: wait no  
2Hot2Handle: ill come over  
2Hot2Handle: yep ill come over  
2Hot2Handle: definitely  
AmazingGrace: Okay Leo  
2Hot2Handle: yooooo babe i cant believe jay is inviting me over to his house  
AmazingGrace: Uh Leo  
2Hot2Handle: sup  
AmazingGrace: I think you sent that to the wrong person  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: oh crap ignore that  
AmazingGrace: Who’s babe  
AmazingGrace: I mean, unless you don’t want to tell me  
2Hot2Handle: oh thats just nico  
2Hot2Handle: its a thing we do  
AmazingGrace: Are you guys a thing  
2Hot2Handle: whaaaaat  
2Hot2Handle: me and deathbreath [questionmark questionmark questionmark]  
AmazingGrace: That’s a lot of questionmarks  
2Hot2Handle: no way are we a think  
AmazingGrace: Thing*  
2Hot2Handle: thats what i said  
2Hot2Handle: think  
AmazingGrace: thing  
2Hot2Handle: think  
AmazingGrace: thing  
2Hot2Handle: think  
AmazingGrace: thing  
2Hot2Handle: thing  
AmazingGrace: think  
2Hot2Handle: thing  
AmazingGrace think  
2Hot2Handle: haha thats what i said  
AmazingGrace: Wow  
AmazingGrace: It’s only eight, I don’t think my father would mind you coming over  
AmazingGrace: And Thalia…  
2Hot2Handle: im pretty sure charlieandsilena are okay with me coming over  
AmazingGrace: My father said it’s okay. He said he hasn’t seen you come over in a while  
2Hot2Handle: well duh  
2Hot2Handle: i moved  
AmazingGrace: Yeah but  
AmazingGrace: Nevermind  
2Hot2Handle: cool guess im coming over  
2Hot2Handle: to your house  
2Hot2Handle: be there in a flash

* * *

2Hot2Handle: dude do you think its possible for jason to get me pregnant with his dad home  
GrimReaper: Oh my God, what kind of movie did you see?  
GrimReaper: I told you to stop watching those sappy rom-coms.  
2Hot2Handle: never  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno im going to his house in a few minutes  
2Hot2Handle: i just need to put on a sweater  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: the irony doesnt escape me here  
GrimReaper: Okay then.  
GrimReaper: And no. I do not think it is possible for Jason to get your pregnant.  
2Hot2Handle: are you sure  
GrimReaper: Especially with his Father home.  
2Hot2Handle: fair point fair point  
2Hot2Handle: oh golly gosh im off to the unknown now  
2Hot2Handle: wish me luck  
2Hot2Handle: and protection  
2Hot2Handle: i need protection  
2Hot2Handle: you know because i dont have any condoms or anything  
2Hot2Handle: i need prot-erection  
GrimReaper: Oh My God, I’m going to stop talking to you now.  
2Hot2Handle: [insert winky face]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somethings I haven't gone into detail with [but for no reason no one questioned it???]:  
> -Leo got adopted by the lovely couple known as Beckendorf and Silena :D  
> -Percy is blunt af, and totally ships Valgrace  
> - ~~For some reason Nico and Leo ended up being closer friends than Leo and Piper shutup leave me alone i didn't mean for this to happen~~  
>  -They're juniors in high school which means:  
> ***Leo and Calypso were dating as Freshmen  
> ***Callie came from Europe in Freshman year (i forgot where i mention it, so i recommend rereading both stories)  
> ***Leo left town shortly after his mother died, when he was eight so he would've been in third grade???  
> ***From the middle of third grade to before eight grade, Leo hasn't spoken to Jason at all D':  
> ***From eight grade to now, Leo has had a crush on Jason. That's about four years give or take a few months  
> ***As of now, it's unclear when Nico and Leo met, or Piper and Leo, or Jason and Percy etc.  
> -As of now, it's also unclear how Jason feels about Leo  
> -As of now, it is also unclear [when Nico began liking Leo](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/13847134) but it is clear that Nico supports Leo's actions
> 
> hmm... any more questions? tell me if something is unclear, and i'll try to clear it up as soon as possible! :D


	8. every coffeeshop is a starbucks

2Hot2Handle: i am entering hot blondes home  
2Hot2Handle: proceeding with caution  
2Hot2Handle: will bring back the details and  
2Hot2Handle: holy shit he bakes cookies  
2Hot2Handle: why wont he marry me now  
2Hot2Handle: smells freaking great oh my god  
2Hot2Handle: okay neeks hes going to the bathroom  
AmazingGrace: Okay Percy, I’m in the bathroom, now what?  
2Hot2Handle: what  
AmazingGrace: What  
2Hot2Handle: oh my god  
2Hot2Handle: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god  
AmazingGrace: Uh  
AmazingGrace: Wrong person?  
2Hot2Handle: yeah  
2Hot2Handle: same to you  
2Hot2Handle: last time i checked i wasnt fish brains  
AmazingGrace: And I’m not Nico  
2Hot2Handle: sooooo  
AmazingGrace: You think I’m hot? And I said you could have some of the cookies  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: uhhhhhhhhh  
2Hot2Handle: these cookies are great yo  
AmazingGrace: Thank you  
AmazingGrace: Thalia tried to teach me and I just happened to caught on. I just like baking now  
2Hot2Handle: thats hot  
2Hot2Handle: i mean the cookies  
2Hot2Handle: theyre very hot  
AmazingGrace: Well, duh, I just took them out  
2Hot2Handle: wait what the heck were you talking to percy about anyway  
2Hot2Handle: and do you even need to use the bathroom  
AmazingGrace: Uh  
AmazingGrace: Hey, why don’t we just forget this conversation ever happened  
2Hot2Handle: what  
AmazingGrace: **2Hot2Handle: why wont he marry me now**  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: okay im deleting these messages now  
AmazingGrace: Yep

Leo snapped a screenshot. There was no way he was going to actually delete them without screenshotting them first. He was definitely going to show Nico them. 

Jason’s footsteps lightly padded against the staircase. Leo slid his phone into his pocket, biting into the cookie again. _Holy crap_ \- it’s like someone baked heaven into tiny disks and threw in some actual love to replace the chocolate. Amazing. No wonder Jason was so amazing.

“Hey, you want to come into my room?” Jason stopped two steps before the landing. “You’re good at math, right?”

“Duh,” Leo rolled his eyes. “I’m literally number one. The one and only.”

To be honest, following Jason- and what a _lovely_ view he was from behind- sparked up memories. Leo knew each and every room before they passed it. The hallway was still the same as Leo remembered it, with the exception of pictures being added and the carpet being a new color. As Leo walked by, he noticed a lot more pictures of Jason’s mom. Curious.

Beryl Grace was definitely one of the “cool” moms growing up. First off, she left them alone, not really caring what they were doing. She always bought Jason the newest things and bought Leo gifts during his birthday and the Holidays. Except… she had that one problem of hers. 

Leo shivered. Ms. Grace wasn’t exactly the most responsible drinker. Vodka and wine were practically a necessity to live.

Jason opened his door. Ah, yes Leo remembered this place perfectly.

On Jason’s bed was his backpack and papers strewed around. Besides from that, the room was as nice as Leo remembered, from the organized trophy shelf- one that definitely has grown- to the neat bookshelf, with a baseball bat leaning on it. What was new, was the wall that had pictures taped to it. Leo found himself looking at dozens upon dozens of pictures of himself as a child. Damn, was he adorable or what?

Jason’s desk had a chair, one that rolled on its wheels, and made people spin until they get sick. Leo spun in the chair and slid it towards Jason’s position on the bed. “So, whaddya need help with?”

“Math. “ Jason shrugged- and _wow, thanks Sherlock._

Leo rolled his eyes again and scanned the papers on Jason’s bed. It seemed simple enough. It was something Leo had covered last year, back when Charlie and Silena had ‘encouraged’ him to take more advanced classes.

“This is easy, man,” Leo flipped the page back to Jason. “All you have to do is multiply that, and then figure out what x is. Easy.”

Jason blinked. “ _What?_ ”

Dang it. Leo was hoping he wouldn’t have to explain it. He hated explaining smart people things, to not so smart people. Not that Jason wasn’t smart, of course.

Leo sighed, and leaned forward, snatching up a stray pencil from the bed. “You see this? Just multiply here and then…”

* * *

It had taken an hour for Jason to finish his homework. 

Now, Leo loved Jason and all -he did, he really did- but _an hour_? Jason might have actually been living up to this dumb blond standard imposed on him. 

Jason zipped up his bag. “Thanks for helping me. I get it now.”

“You better!” Leo said, slumping into the chair. He spun around. “That took _forever._ ”

Jason snorted and folded his leg underneath him. “So… how are you?”

“Well,” Leo stretched. “I just wasted part of my life helping someone with homework. So you know, _terrible._ ”

Jason rolled his eyes. “ _Leo._ The door’s over there if you want to go so badly.”

Leo spun around in the chair again. “Nah. I’d rather bother you for a while. Hey, when’d you get this chair? You used to have a chair with _Elmo_ on it.”

“Uh,” Jason’s cheeks tinged with pink, A nice look on him if Leo could say that out loud to him. “A few years ago. The Elmo chair, uh…” 

“What?” Leo stuck his hand on the bed to stop himself. “Couldn’t hear you, buddy.” Leo’s phone vibrated, but he ignored it.

“It _broke_.” Jason covered his face with his hands. “I sat on it, and it just _broke_.”

Leo laughed. “Damn. I kind of liked that stupid chair. With the stupid face smiling where you put your butt. It felt good to put my cheeks on his smug little face, and know that I farted on him.”

“Oh my God.” Jason was laughing now, and Leo’s heart rate sped up. Was it hot in here or is it just Leo? “You’re terrible.”

“And so was your chair.” Leo defended, with a final laugh. “Hey, question.”

“Hit me.” Jason said with a smile- and _ohmygosh he remembered_. There used to be this joke that two shared, where whenever they asked the other a question the response would be ‘Hit Me.’ The joke only started when they heard it in a movie, and had no idea why no one was getting hit. The first time the five-year-old Jason said, ‘Hit Me’, Leo might or might not have punched him in the face.

Leo playfully punched Jason’s shoulder. “Where’s your dad right now? Haven’t seen the old man since forever.”

Jason shrugged. “In his study. Doing whatever. Something work related, as usual.”

“Cool.” Leo nodded. “How about your mom? Where’s she at? Lemme guess, a bar.”

Jason froze, his body tensing up. “She’s not… living with us anymore.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” Leo said without missing a beat. Jason was acting weird, and this required a definite topic change. “Did your sister get all those sick piercings and tattoos she wanted?”

“Naturally.” Jason smirked, a lot more relaxed than a few seconds ago. “She even dyed her hair _black._ ”

“No _way_.” Leo gasped, leaning forward in the chair. He had to be careful not to fall. “I _have_ to see this.”

* * *

2Hot2Handle: dude you have no idea what i just spent the past few hours doing  
GrimReaper: Spending time with your crush in his house?  
GrimReaper: Me and Percy were talking about it.  
GrimReaper: I bet it was fun.  
2Hot2Handle: you bet it was  
2Hot2Handle: hell yeah  
2Hot2Handle: did you know that he still has glow in the dark stickers on his ceiling  
2Hot2Handle: theyre like suppppppper old  
GrimReaper: No, but I do know that you ignored my message during your fun time.  
2Hot2Handle: oh crap i did  
2Hot2Handle: sorry  
GrimReaper: I’m sure you are.  
GrimReaper: Just, text next time, okay?  
GrimReaper: That’ll be nice, you know?  
2Hot2Handle: yeah sure  
2Hot2Handle: of course dude  
2Hot2Handle: hey  
2Hot2Handle: are you okay  
2Hot2Handle: is something on your mind  
GrimReaper: No.  
GrimReaper: I’m fine.  
2Hot2Handle: really  
2Hot2Handle: because my best friend senses are tingling  
2Hot2Handle: and they say your like super bummed out  
GrimReaper: It’s nothing.  
2Hot2Handle: if you say so  
2Hot2Handle: but i will fight you if there is something going on  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper: You punch like a girl.  
2Hot2Handle: [gasp]  
2Hot2Handle: excuse you but i know tons of girls who punch hard  
2Hot2Handle: like have you seen pipers sister  
2Hot2Handle: you know the bitchy one drew  
2Hot2Handle: have you ever tried to sneak a peek at her when shes changing  
2Hot2Handle: she can backhand like a freaking kungfu master  
GrimReaper: I feel like there was a hint of stereotyping with the fact that she’s part- Asian, and you compared her to a kung fu master. And kung fu is Chinese, not Japanese.  
GrimReaper: And why in the world would you ever be looking at Drew changing?  
2Hot2Handle: dude have you seen her  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper: You like guys.  
2Hot2Handle: leave me alone im a hormonal teenage boy and i have needs  
2Hot2Handle: both jason and drew just happen to fit those needs  
GrimReaper: Uh huh.  
2Hot2Handle: hey wait  
2Hot2Handle: lets just stop  
2Hot2Handle: lets stop talking about me for once  
GrimReaper: Whoa, Leo. What made you change your narcissistic ways? Jason needs to show me how he did that.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah yeah yeah shut up  
2Hot2Handle: so hows you and your crush  
2Hot2Handle: you know will  
GrimReaper: Will?  
2Hot2Handle: uh yeah duhhhhh  
2Hot2Handle: the guy who sits next to me in english  
2Hot2Handle: and i think he works at starbucks or something  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno like every coffeeshop is a starbucks to me  
GrimReaper: What?  
GrimReaper: Oh, yeah. Him.  
GrimReaper: He’s good, I guess.  
2Hot2Handle: uh huh  
2Hot2Handle: soooooo  
2Hot2Handle: rant to me about your crush like i do to you with jason  
GrimReaper: Leo, it’s like one in the morning.  
2Hot2Handle: 12:09  
2Hot2Handle: i know its great that youre awake and im awake  
2Hot2Handle: now rant nico die angelo  
GrimReaper: Sigh.  
GrimReaper: I’m going to regret this in the morning.  
2Hot2Handle: just rant child  
GrimReaper: I’m… older than you.  
2Hot2Handle: whatever  
2Hot2Handle: stop avoiding this and lemme hear it  
GrimReaper: Fine.  
GrimReaper: I like him a lot.  
GrimReaper: Like a lot.  
GrimReaper: He frustrates me to no end at times. Most of the time, and I can’t stand him, but at the same time I do.  
GrimReaper: He makes me laugh at the most stupidest things.  
GrimReaper: He’s such an idiot, the biggest idiot but I really like him because he’s such an idiot.  
GrimReaper: He’s freaking adorable, and he’s pretty much perfect, but he’s always complaining about something dumb like a zit.  
GrimReaper: And he’s a really good friend, but I just want to kiss him, but if I do kiss him, than I might ruin our friendship.  
GrimReaper: And he’s just  
GrimReaper: Ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggefhbsfnnshefnhaiuirbuieaiubvi  
GrimReaper: I wish he knew.  
GrimReaper: But I don’t want him to know, because he likes someone else.  
GrimReaper: Someone else who’s a lot better than me, but I get it.  
GrimReaper: I want him to be happy, but it frustrates me so freaking much, and I just want to urnrlnrslnhrfunhrsnhurrhratgljnAsdfbhja.  
GrimReaper: Ugh.  
2Hot2Handle: wow  
GrimReaper: Ugh.  
2Hot2Handle: i dont know this solace guy too much but im pretty sure hed like you one day  
2Hot2Handle: i mean youre pretty cool yourself  
2Hot2Handle: youre fucking amazing neeks  
GrimReaper: Thanks Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: np  
2Hot2Handle: im kind of tired right now  
2Hot2Handle: night babe  
GrimReaper: Night, Leo.

2Hot2Handle left chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thalia's a natural blonde, fight me biotcccccchhhh (ง'̀-'́)ง
> 
> Who even knows what Jason and Percy were talking about in the beginning? I don't know about you, but Percy's meddling a little _too_ much...


	9. the mighty spit of jason grace (who is a free man)

2Hot2Handle: im so tired  
AmazingGrace: I know  
AmazingGrace: You nearly fell asleep at the bus stop  
2Hot2Handle: well maybe you shouldnt be so boring then i wouldve been awake  
AmaingGrace: Sorry man  
2Hot2Handle: shit i dont mean that  
AmazingGrace: I know  
AmazingGrace: I’ve known you for a while, I know that you get irritated when you’re tired  
2Hot2Handle: hmm  
2Hot2Handle: hows the back of the bus  
2Hot2Handle: why do you sit there anyway  
AmazingGrace: What?  
AmazingGrace: Uh, the back is good.  
AmazingGrace: Just a bunch of sophomores and some few juniors  
AmazingGrace: Maybe one of two seniors  
AmazingGrace: Why?  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno  
2Hot2Handle: how long to schoolasdfghjkl  
AmazingGrace: A while. Traffic looks bad, just look outside.  
AmazingGrace: Oh, I just heard that someone up there fell asleep and fell off the seat.  
AmazingGrace: I hope they’re okay  
AmazingGrace:   
AmazingGrace: That person was you, wasn’t it

* * *

2Hot2Handle: hey nico  
GrimReaper: Why do you always choose to talk to me when I am in Gym?  
GrimReaper: And why do I always indulge in your craziness?  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno  
2Hot2Handle: cause your my friend and stuff  
GrimReaper: I need to be a better friend. You still don’t know the difference between your and you’re.  
2Hot2Handle: tomato potato same diff  
GrimReaper: Oh God. Leo, you do know that I’m actually running right now.  
2Hot2Handle: how many laps have you done  
GrimReaper: Three, I believe.  
2Hot2Handle: damn  
2Hot2Handle: im exhausted at lap one  
GrimReaper: I know. You usually have no motivation when it comes to running at Gym, but when it comes to running for other things…  
2Hot2Handle: yeah i know  
2Hot2Handle: whenever a new video game comes out im there in a flash  
GrimReaper: That wasn’t what I was going to refer to.  
GrimReaper: But true.  
GrimReaper: Why can’t you go bother someone else?  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno  
2Hot2Handle: i have no one to bother  
2Hot2Handle: and your special  
GrimReaper: Go bother Percy or Piper. Both of them would equally take fun in talking to you during class.  
2Hot2Handle: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: maybe  
2Hot2Handle: but youre more fun  
2Hot2Handle: and i like you the most  
GrimReaper: If this is about liking someone the most, then go talk to Jason.  
2Hot2Handle: oh yeah  
2Hot2Handle: i could  
2Hot2Handle: but i dont want to disrupt his beautiful process  
2Hot2Handle: theres no way i could do that to him  
GrimReaper: But you can interrupt my running?  
GrimReaper: Really feeling the love right now.  
2Hot2Handle: your different babe  
2Hot2Handle: i love you so much that i can disrupt you  
2Hot2Handle: just like how i love jason so much i cant disrupt him  
GrimReaper: Your logic is all screwed up.  
GrimReaper: It must’ve been from your fall on the bus.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: how do you know about that  
GrimReaper: Hon, everyone knows about that.  
GrimReaper: You have a few talkative sophomores on your bus from what I understand.  
GrimReaper: Are you okay though?  
GrimReaper: What’s 13 minus 5?  
2Hot2Handle: 18  
2Hot2Handle: wait fuck  
GrimReaper: You’re fine.  
GrimReaper: What a relief.  
2Hot2Handle: [that face with the tongue sticking out] pbbt  
GrimReaper: “That face with the tongue sticking out”?  
2Hot2Handle: pbbbbbbt  
GrimReaper: Did you actually need me?  
2Hot2Handle: nah  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
2Hot2Handle: i heard that reyna is throwing a party  
GrimReaper: I think you mean Frank.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: no way  
2Hot2Handle: pretty sure i meant reyna  
2Hot2Handle: who cares theyre like the same person  
2Hot2Handle: both are too sweet to handle  
2Hot2Handle: okay maybe not reyna shes a ruthless jerk  
2Hot2Handle: how dare she break my mans heart  
GrimReaper: I think you’re confusing Frank and Hazel, with Frank and Reyna.  
GrimReaper: Which is a feat, but it makes sense because you are Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: damn right i am  
2Hot2Handle: so anyway reyna is throwing this party  
GrimReaper: Frank.  
2Hot2Handle: and do you want to crash it  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: wat  
GrimReaper: You do know you were invited.  
GrimReaper: Like, last night.  
GrimReaper: Frank said you could come.  
GrimReaper: We were in a group chat, Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: whaaaaaaat  
2Hot2Handle: i dont remember this  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper:  


> Panda_man: uh, HI guys  
>  2Hot2Handle: what up loser  
>  AmazingGrace: Leo that’s not nice  
>  GrimReaper: Leo, that’s not nice.  
>  GrimReaper: ….  
>  2Hot2Handle: haha you said the same thing  
>  2Hot2Handle: im sorry jason  
>  2Hot2Handle: and stop nagging nico  
>  GrimReaper: What the hell?  
>  FishBoy: what was it Frank?  
>  Panda_man: uh, DO you WANT to GO to A party  
>  Panda_man: uh, AT my PLACE?  
>  2Hot2Handle: fuccccck yeah  
>  2Hot2Handle: im gonna be the coolest one there you guys  
>  2Hot2Handle: except for percy hes cool too  
>  2Hot2Handle: but fuck yesssss loser  
>  AmazingGrace: Oh my.  
>  AmazingGrace: That language.  
> 

2Hot2Handle: huh  
2Hot2Handle: yeah i have some memory of that now  
2Hot2Handle: its all coming back to me  
GrimReaper: Sigh.  
GrimReaper: You, my friend, are an  
2Hot2Handle: im a what  
2Hot2Handle: wait no seriously  
2Hot2Handle: what am i  
2Hot2Handle: damn it  
2Hot2Handle: how you just going to leave a man hanging like that  
GrimReaper: Leo, shut up. I dropped my phone when running.  
GrimReaper: Got to go.  


GrimReaper left chat

* * *

2Hot2Handle: hey jaysay  
AmazingGrace: That doesn’t make any sense  
2Hot2Handle: shush im going through a process of nicknames  
AmazingGrace: Of course  
2Hot2Handle: anyway how is your lunch  
2Hot2Handle: how do you even like celery its gross  
2Hot2Handle: and healthy  
AmazingGrace: Leo you’re like ten tables away, how can you even see what I’m eating  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: i have my ways  
AmazingGrace: Mysterious  
2Hot2Handle: hell yeah  
2Hot2Handle: no but celery is gross  
AmazingGrace: It’s not too bad  
2Hot2Handle: really  
2Hot2Handle: are you sure thats your final answer  
AmazingGrace: Okay, it’s not the most amazing thing  
AmazingGrace: But it’s not that bad  
2Hot2Handle: whateves  
2Hot2Handle: why does your table look so empty  
2Hot2Handle: where are all your friends  
AmazingGrace: Oh, um  
AmazingGrace: Octavian, Frank and Hazel are more Reyna’s friends than mine  
AmazingGrace: So they’re sitting with her instead  
2Hot2Handle: i thought she normally sat with you  
AmazingGrace: Well she did when we were a thing  
AmazingGrace: But we’ve talked through it  
AmazingGrace: I’m doing my own thing, she’s doing her thing  
2Hot2Handle: so  
2Hot2Handle: you two are over  
2Hot2Handle: like done  
AmazingGrace: For now I guess  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: thats cool  
2Hot2Handle: very cool  
2Hot2Handle: super cool  
AmazingGrace: It’s been a while since I’ve been free  
2Hot2Handle: i bet it feels good  
2Hot2Handle: being free from queenqueens tyrannical reign  
2Hot2Handle: you are no longer her slave  
2Hot2Handle: no longer her bitch jason  
2Hot2Handle: jason grace has finally gotten graced with freedom  
2Hot2Handle: you are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
2Hot2Handle: be free my good man be free  
2Hot2Handle: hey are you okay  
2Hot2Handle: you just spit out your water on percy  
2Hot2Handle: but to be honest he probably doesnt mind  
2Hot2Handle: that fucking mermaid  
2Hot2Handle: with his waterlogged brain  
2Hot2Handle: probably enjoys the mighty spit of jason grace who is a free man  
AmazingGrace: Oh My Goodness Leo  
AmazingGrace: I spit it out because I was laughing  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: groovy  
AmazingGrace: Very groovy

* * *

BeautyQueen: Leo stop talking to your boyfriend its making Nico upset  
BeautyQueen: Like more moody and upset than usual  
2Hot2Handle: what are you talking about  
BeautyQueen: As if you dont know  
2Hot2Handle: what boyfriend  
BeautyQueen: Jason  
2Hot2Handle: hes not my boyfriend  
2Hot2Handle: well not yet  
2Hot2Handle: soon tho  
2Hot2Handle: i prefer the term sexually tensioned guys rediscovering their past frienship  
BeautyQueen: I know  
BeautyQueen: But stop it  
2Hot2Handle: what do you mean its making nico upset  
2Hot2Handle: i dont want neeks to be upset  
BeautyQueen: Then stop talking to your bf  
BeautyQueen: Would I ever lie to you  
2Hot2Handle: probs  
2Hot2Handle: but what am i doing that makes neeks sad  
2Hot2Handle: sad death breath means a sad leo  
BeautyQueen: Just trust me dude  
BeautyQueen: If I told you the reason  
BeautyQueen: You wouldnt believe me  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: tell me  
BeautyQueen: Nah  
2Hot2Handle: pleeeeeease  
2Hot2Handle: ill give you money  
BeautyQueen: You do remember who youre talking to  
BeautyQueen: I dont need your pity money  
2Hot2Handle: shut up and just tell me  
BeautyQueen: Lets just say that he could be bitter about Jason absorbing all your time  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: aw  
2Hot2Handle: but why  
BeautyQueen: I could tell you  
BeautyQueen: But Im also a good friend  
2Hot2Handle: uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh  
BeautyQueen: Yep  
2Hot2Handle: ugggggggggggggggggggh  
2Hot2Handle: i hate you  
BeautyQueen: Love ya too

* * *

2Hot2Handle: hey neeks  
2Hot2Handle: are you sad  
GrimReaper: No. Just grim.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: i dont get it  
GrimReaper: That was a joke Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: well it wasnt very funny  
GrimReaper: Sigh.  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
2Hot2Handle: i get it now  
2Hot2Handle: cause your the grim reaper  
2Hot2Handle: haha haha  
GrimReaper: Sigh.  
GrimReaper: You don’t have to pretend it’s funny.  
2Hot2Handle: ok good cause it wasnt  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: are you sad  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper: You can’t just ask people if they’re sad, knowing they are, because the only answer you’ll get is “No, I’m okay.”  
2Hot2Handle: so is that a no  
GrimReaper: Sigh  
GrimReaper: No, Leo. I’m okay.  
2Hot2Handle: thats good  
GrimReaper: Sigh.  
2Hot2Handle: wait a minute  
2Hot2Handle: did you just do your reverse psycho stuff on me  
2Hot2Handle: your freaky mojo jojo  
GrimReaper: Reverse Psychology?  
2Hot2Handle: yeah yeah that  
2Hot2Handle: a fancy name for a deadly game  
GrimReaper: Leo what time is it?  
2Hot2Handle: 11:47 pm  
2Hot2Handle: why  
GrimReaper: I have to go to sleep.  
2Hot2Handle: okayokay  
GrimReaper: Goodnight Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: night  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~goddaMMIT I FORGOT HOW TO DO THOSE STUPID LINEBREAKS UGGGGGGH~~ nevermind i figured it out, after abrief google search LOL
> 
> goddaMMIT I HATE FRANKS STUPID SPEECH GOD EVER HEARD OF LOWERCASE although wtf why am I complaining if I wrote him like that XD im such an idiot
> 
> and Leo stop calling Frank a loser... Frank is a nice person... probably... I think....cause you know, Frank never seems to exist in fanfiction now... what a shame, I bet he was a great character.... probably....
> 
> [[Jason and Reyna's conversation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/15491203)]


	10. talk about awkward to the max

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol what even is this
> 
> (posted a few weeks too late and also a day too early, cause that makes sense)
> 
> (posted on a thurday ew what happen to update fridays??? who even knows)

2Hot2Handle: romeo oh romeo  
2Hot2Handle: let down your magical hair  
2Hot2Handle: and with a kiss  
2Hot2Handle: i eat taco bell  
AmazingGrace: Leo it is 3 in the morning  
AmazingGrace: On a Saturday  
2Hot2Handle: youre the one who wakes up early on a saturday  
AmazingGrace: Not the 3 in the morning early  
2Hot2Handle: eeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh  
2Hot2Handle: i dont see your point  
AmazingGrace: Sigh  
2Hot2Handle: but anyway  
2Hot2Handle: i got a proposition for you  
2Hot2Handle: a job my friend  
2Hot2Handle: a to do list mi amigo  
2Hot2Handle: an assignment mi hermano  
AmazingGrace: At 3 AM  
2Hot2Handle: yes  
2Hot2Handle: i want you  
2Hot2Handle: to go get this video game with me  
AmazingGrace: Really?  
2Hot2Handle: really really  
AmazingGrace: And is there any reason you asked me in particular  
2Hot2Handle: nah  
2Hot2Handle: ok yes  
2Hot2Handle: neeks is tired of me  
2Hot2Handle: yesterday he told me to piss off when i asked him  
2Hot2Handle: hehe i offered him chocolate  
2Hot2Handle: he said no still  
2Hot2Handle: and so  
2Hot2Handle: here i am  
AmazingGrace: Mhm  
AmazingGrace: Alright  
AmazingGrace: We’ll go at a reasonable time in the morning  
2Hot2Handle: hahaha  
2Hot2Handle: youre funny grace  
2Hot2Handle: im outside your house  
2Hot2Handle: so get the fuck down here  
AmazingGrace: What the hell

 

* * *

If there was anything that Leo loved more than Jason Grace, it would be video games. Okay, _maybe_ he also loves cars. Leo also really liked cars.

But there he was, sitting on Grace’s porch, waiting for Jason Grace to go with him to buy the newest _Mythomagic 3: Tales of the Underworld_. Jason Grace and video games were a definite _hell yeah_ in Leo’s book.

Leo frowned, looking across the street. He really needed curtains, it was extremely easy to see into his room. 

“Leo? What are you doing?” Leo stood, turning to face Grace with a wide grin.

Jason was wearing a hoody, with flannel pajama pants and sneakers. Not like Leo was wearing anything different- except he had more class and wore shorts. 

“I’ve been waiting _forever_.” Leo moaned dramatically. He hopped off the porch, awkwardly landing on his feet in the wet grass. “We can ride our bikes.”

“What is _that_?” Jason’s face scrunched up, pointing to Leo’s sneakers. 

Leo grinned. “Skechers. I’m going to light up the night with these bad boys.”

Jason stared at him blankly, before rolling his eyes. “You’re too much.”

“Maybe,” Leo glanced at his bare wrist. “But I think we might be running out of time here. Video games waiting to be bought and played are at _stake_ here.”

Jason seemed too tired to protest and walked towards his garage to find his bike. Leo had to run across the street to get his own, and by the time he was ready, Jason was sitting patiently.

“Where…?” Jason yawned. Leo found it funny that Jason was actually coming with him. 

Leo slid his foot on a pedal. “Follow me, bro!”

It was definitely a nice bike ride. At night, their neighborhood was relatively quiet, except for the occasional loud televisions they passed by. None of the cars were moving, leaving the entire road for the duo to ride free on. It was only a half moon, not leaving too much natural light, forcing the teenagers to rely on the sparsely scattered streetlights.

After nearly ten minutes of calm biking, Leo skidded to a stop, his tires squeaking obnoxiously. Just how he likes it. 

The noise seemed to efficiently wake up Jason, who rode past Leo, before turning around. Leo bounced on the balls of his feet as he gazed at the bright light of GameStop. The glorious haven of games, simply waiting for Leo’s grabby hands. A cardboard cut-out of a demon glared at Leo with the _Mythomagic_ logo written on top- and _oh yeah_ , this trip was _so_ worth it.

“Hurry up,” Jason huffed, balancing his elbow on his handlebars. “I’ll watch our bikes.”

Leo raised an eyebrow. The only thing Jason seemed to be watching, is his eyelids closing as he drifted off to sleep.

Leo jogged into the store, happily being surprised by the huge stack of _Mythomagic 3_ games available. He had earlier planned to make a game run at midnight when the game was actually being released but failed to when he went to finish his homework. Who even gives two essays due the same day? 

Leo ignored the fact that both were given weeks before.

It was after Leo paid for the game when he noticed a familiar looking braid. Said owner of the braid was glancing between cases of _Mario Kart_ and _Mario Party_ , as if deciding which was better. What a noob, Leo obviously knew that _Mythomagic_ is the literal king of games. Duh, it was simple knowledge.

“Valdez.” The Braid had turned around, before Leo could approach her- and _oh shit_.

“Queen-queen.” He slightly paled, realizing that he called Reyna a _noob_. What if she had freaky-deaky _mind_ powers? Leo was screwed.

Reyna’s eyebrows were raised diligently. “ _What?_ ”

“Nothing, your highness,” Leo gestured around the store. “What are you doing here at a time like this?”

Reyna looked miffed, and she pulled the zipper to her sweater up. Her eyes darted away from Leo. “Shopping, obviously. I need a sense of entertainment to soothe my guest. She seemed to take delight in such childish things.”

_Childish?_ Oh _no_ , this will not do. This will not do at _all_.

“Guest?” Leo’s voice cracked, remembering that Reyna could probably break his face if he voiced his views.

Reyna bit her lip as if deciding on whether to tell Leo a secret. “My sister, if you must know. Jason hasn’t spoken about her?”

Leo poked a thumb towards the store entrance. “Him? The blond drooling on my seat? Nah, he doesn’t talk about his friends like that. He’s cool that way.”

“Hmm,” Reyna turned her head to look out the entrance. It was hard to see, but it was definitely easy to see that Jason was not looking over their bikes like he claimed he was going to. Reyna turned back to Leo. “I guess Jason does hold his values.”

“Hell yeah he does!” Leo exploded but then shrunk in on himself when he saw Reyna’s warning glance. “But why are you here at night?”

Reyna rolled her eyes. “Hylla isn’t always pleasant to deal with now. It’s better when she’s sleeping.”

“Hylla?”

“My sister.”

“Gotcha.” Leo nodded, leaving a very awkward silence. He overlooked the scenario in his head. Jason’s ex, talking to Jason’s definite future husband. Talk about _awkward to the max._

He glanced at his bare wrist. “Well, look at the time. Gotta go?”

“You’re not wearing a watch.” Reyna commented, with an amused look. She waved him off dismissively. “Goodbye, Leo. I wish you luck.”

Luck on _what?_

Leo saluted, before walking (read: running) out the store. He snorted when he saw Jason sleeping with his head on his handlebars. Hehe, cute.

Leo shook the blond awake, as he hopped on his own bike. “Do you want to see your ex?”

“Wha-?”

“Then _drive!_ ” Leo yelled, his feet already flying against the pedals, laughter flying in the wind.

 

* * *

2Hot2Handle: guess what  
AmazingGrace: Leo I literally just stepped inside my house  
2Hot2Handle: so  
2Hot2Handle: what does that have to do with you guessing  
2Hot2Handle: you can still guess  
AmazingGrace: What Leo  
2Hot2Handle: technically thats not a guess  
2Hot2Handle: but ill let that slide  
2Hot2Handle: for now  
AmazingGrace: I’m going to sleep now  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
2Hot2Handle: no  
2Hot2Handle: i  
2Hot2Handle: got  
2Hot2Handle: something  
2Hot2Handle: to  
2Hot2Handle: say  
AmazingGrace: Hmm?  
2Hot2Handle: well what i wanted to say is that  
2Hot2Handle: im free for today so you can come over and play this game with me  
2Hot2Handle: reap what you sow and all that  
AmazingGrace: I don’t think you know what that means  
2Hot2Handle: who cares  
2Hot2Handle: are you coming though  
AmazingGrace: I’m sorry, Jason Grace is now on hold  
AmazingGrace: Please continue at a much more reasonable time Leo  
AmazingGrace: Please leave a message after the beep  
2Hot2Handle: did you just leo me  
2Hot2Handle: because thats a very leo thing to do  
2Hot2Handle: i dont know if i should be proud or offended  
2Hot2Handle: hmm  
2Hot2Handle: yeah im feeling proud  
2Hot2Handle: very proud  
AmazingGrace: Goodnight Leo  
2Hot2Handle: actually its technically morning

AmazingGrace blocked 2Hot2Handle

 

* * *

2Hot2Handle: my husband is ignoring me  
2Hot2Handle: heeeeeeeelp  
FishBoy: your husband?  
FishBoy: that better be jason, or else we will have a problem.  
2Hot2Handle: who else can satisfy me  
FishBoy: true true, valid point.  
FishBoy: do you want me to smack some sense into him?  
2Hot2Handle: nah  
2Hot2Handle: he wants me to talk to him at a reasonable time  
FishBoy: its 4 am  
2Hot2Handle: so  
FishBoy why are you up  
2Hot2Handle: i cant sleep  
2Hot2Handle: this game is calling me  
2Hot2Handle: but i promised nico that i would wait for him to start playing  
FishBoy: oh.  
2Hot2Handle: why are you up  
FishBoy: i cleaned my pool yesterday.  
FishBoy: so i’m just swimming and stuff.  
2Hot2Handle: dude  
2Hot2Handle: its like 45 degrees fahrenheit  
FishBoy: i don’t see your point.  
2Hot2Handle: true true  
2Hot2Handle: valid point  
FishBoy: :D  
2Hot2Handle: :D  
FishBoy: you get me  
2Hot2Handle: you get me  
FishBoy: :D  
2Hot2Handle: :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one day someone is actually going to hurt him with all the crazy stuff he does jfc
> 
> im sorry guys this story was actually about the budding bromance between percy and leo go home valgrace fans XD
> 
> anyway, leo has skechers and braces and plays video gamse what a dweeb what a precious dweeb what a dweeb someone hug him
> 
> and no one can call reyna a noob without hell being raised  
> _____
> 
> if anyone cares im going through a traumatic event where my Sims divorce but I screwed up so now their very huge house with a pool and three floors now belongs to a toddler and OH GOD HOW
> 
> (also lol chapter 7 doesn't have a title, and in just going to leave it as "chapter 7")


	11. pin the tail on the octavian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL WHEN I TRIED TO PUBLISH AO3 WAS LIKE "SLOW YOUR ROLL YOU WROTE WAAAY TOO MANY CHARACTERS" XD so i guess this had to be separated in ~~two~~ FREAKING THREE and i had to delete a smaller part to make it seem like i did that on purpose
> 
> and lo siento mis amigos, my original plan was to publish this once i published a leico fic first because lets be honest, i have not be too nice to leico in this fic.
> 
> and literally instead of one leico there were [three](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7727266) [freaking](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7736395) [jasipereo](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7872784) fics, and like one other [ valgrace](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7703470) fic, and probably like two other things because thats where inspiration hit and im also really dumb
> 
> ~~going to pretend those aren't links that you should totally click if you want to read some trash thats kinda bad~~
> 
> anyway. leico might come. someday. sometime. whatever.

2Hot2Handle: im ready to get married  
AmazingGrace: Really?  
2Hot2Handle: really really  
2Hot2Handle: its going to be beautiful  
2Hot2Handle: and big af  
AmazingGrace: And who are you getting married to  
2Hot2Handle: ehhhhhh  
2Hot2Handle: lets not get into details about this  
AmazingGrace: Hmm  
AmazingGrace: Alright, so how is your wedding going to be  
2Hot2Handle: hmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno  
2Hot2Handle: i like roses  
AmazingGrace: I love roses  
2Hot2Handle: whaaaaaaaaat  
2Hot2Handle: you like roses  
2Hot2Handle: i like roses  
2Hot2Handle: we have so much in common already  
2Hot2Handle: im feeling a connection yo  
AmazingGrace: Haha, I think a wedding would be beautiful during the summer  
2Hot2Handle: lol true  
2Hot2Handle: i mean  
2Hot2Handle: yes continue  
AmazingGrace: Blue and white themed?  
2Hot2Handle: i like blue  
2Hot2Handle: i like white  
2Hot2Handle: conneeeeeeection  
AmazingGrace: Heh, Open area, maybe  
2Hot2Handle: sounds great  
2Hot2Handle: are you religious  
AmazingGrace: Not really. On holidays we go to church  
2Hot2Handle: cool cool  
2Hot2Handle: im not  
2Hot2Handle: but im like okay with having a pastor or somethin  
AmazingGrace: Yeah.  
2Hot2Handle: what about a giant cake  
2Hot2Handle: but we will make it red and blue  
2Hot2Handle: and would say our names on it  
2Hot2Handle: and it would be huge  
2Hot2Handle: maybe be strawberry who even knows  
AmazingGrace: Our?  
2Hot2Handle: i meant at our different weddings  
2Hot2Handle: yeah  
AmazingGrace: Oh  
2Hot2Handle: i would make callie my flower girl just because  
2Hot2Handle: actually no  
2Hot2Handle: i would make nico the flower girl  
2Hot2Handle: oh yes this is a good idea  
2Hot2Handle: absolutely nothing wrong can happen from this  
AmazingGrace: Definitely nothing wrong could happen  
2Hot2Handle: absolutely  
2Hot2Handle: is that it for our perfect wedding  
2Hot2Handle: your*  
2Hot2Handle: whoops gotta watch them autocorrects haha  
AmazingGrace: Haha, nah I think that’s it for now  
2Hot2Handle: perfect

* * *

2Hot2Handle: lol guess what  
BeautyQueen: What  
2Hot2Handle: i planned a wedding  
2Hot2Handle: but jason also helped me  
BeautyQueen: Before you continue  
BeautyQueen: Im going to remind you exactly who is in this chat  
BeautyQueen: Nico  
BeautyQueen: Jason  
BeautyQueen: Calypso  
BeautyQueen: Percy  
BeautyQueen: Frank  
BeautyQueen: Hazel  
BeautyQueen: Annabeth  
BeautyQueen: Octavian  
2Hot2Handle: lol ew who added him  
BeautyQueen: *facepalm*  
TedDIEbear: Ew who added yoU  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmm  
2Hot2Handle: mm  
2Hot2Handle: your friends you dumbass  
BeautyQueen: Was that really necessary  
TedDIEbear: I can,t stand you sometimes valdeZ  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmm  
TedDIEbear: Stop iT  
2Hot2Handle: hmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: i dunno  
2Hot2Handle: should i  
TedDIEbear: Yes you insufferable picK  
2Hot2Handle: did you just call me a pick  
2Hot2Handle: do you mean dick  
2Hot2Handle: or prick  
2Hot2Handle: or all of the above  
TedDIEbear: I do not curse’ unlike some peoplE  
2Hot2Handle: well fuck that  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
TedDIEbear: Cursing is for the uneducateD  
2Hot2Handle: ill have you know  
2Hot2Handle: that im like some real ivy league material  
2Hot2Handle: so shut up you hoser  
TedDIEbear: Did you just call me a hoseR  
2Hot2Handle: i dont know  
2Hot2Handle: did i  
TedDIEbear: UneducateD  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
TedDIEbear: Okay stop iT  
2Hot2Handle: im sorry  
2Hot2Handle: im eliterrite  
2Hot2Handle: i dont know what youre saying  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
TedDIEbear: Did you just spell illiterate wronG  
2Hot2Handle: uh no  
2Hot2Handle: i spelled it exactly how you spelled  
2Hot2Handle: like exactly  
2Hot2Handle: maybe youre the illiterate one here  
TedDIEbear: How dare yoU  
Panda_man: uh, ARE you TWO okay?  
Panda_man: uh?  
2Hot2Handle: frank my main man  
2Hot2Handle: welcome  
2Hot2Handle: to the hunger games  
2Hot2Handle: hot stuff against illiterate dick head over there  
Panda_man: uh, I never READ that  
2Hot2Handle: lol me neither  
TedDIEbear: Well i havE  
2Hot2Handle: no one asked you dick head  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: welcome frank  
Panda_man: uh  
2Hot2Handle: im like totes excited for your party tomorrow  
2Hot2Handle: cant wait to play games like  
2Hot2Handle: telephone  
2Hot2Handle: pin the tail on the octavian  
2Hot2Handle: tag  
2Hot2Handle: oh and maybe if we get a bit risky we shall play  
2Hot2Handle: hot potato  
GrimReaper: Leo, leave Frank alone.  
2Hot2Handle: yes mother  
GrimReaper: Ew.  
Persassy: i’m gonna have a party too in like weeks or something. not really good with planning.  
TedDIEbear: No one careS  
2Hot2Handle: shut up octopus no one asked you  
2Hot2Handle: and i care cause percys cool  
Persassy: why, thank you leo.  
2Hot2Handle: anything for you  
Smartie121: Oh no, do I have to worry about Leo sweeping my boyfriend away?  
BeautyQueen: Lol Leos gay but not for raven hair and green eyes  
AmazingGrace: Leo's gay?  
2Hot2Handle: what  
TedDIEbear: Who even cares’ he sucks anywaY  
BeautyQueen: Sucks dick aaaayYYYYYY  
2Hot2Handle: lmao true  
2Hot2Handle: also i dont recall asking for your opinion hoser  
TedDIEbear: Stop calling me thaT  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
2Hot2Handle: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
TedDIEbear: Okay i,ll stop’ just stoP  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: super pumped for franks party  
2Hot2Handle: cant wait to sip on fruit punch and eat graham crackers  
2Hot2Handle: is there going to be a pinata frankie  
2Hot2Handle: cause it should be a unicorn  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
BeautyQueen: Frank please excuse Leo he doesn’t mean anything by his rudeness  
BeautyQueen: He just thinks he’s *funny*  
2Hot2Handle: hey i am funny  
2Hot2Handle: right nico  
GrimReaper: I refuse to comment on this topic.  
2Hot2Handle: right jason  
AmazingGrace: Yep  
2Hot2Handle: see  
Smartie121: Jason is too kind to deny you, anyway. Percy would you like to say why?  
Persassy: it’s the mom friend effect™  
Smartie121: He’s unable to disagree due to this.  
Persassy: yeah it’s like science and stuff  
2Hot2Handle: psh whatever  
Panda_man: uh, CLARISSE is IN charge OF my PARTY  
2Hot2Handle: whos that  
GrimReaper: His sister.  
2Hot2Handle: baby man has a sister [questionmark]  
Panda_man: uh, YES?  
Persassy: basically, it means this party is going to be the best because she can get her dad to get loads of alcohol  
AmazingGrace: I fear for my life whenever I go to these  
2Hot2Handle: now thats my kind of party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres another chapter i guess.


	12. and you cant rate people on sluttiness or else youll get suspended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kill me im so done with formatting this
> 
> ~~here goes try 4~~ ffreaking TRY 6 jfc end meeee

2Hot2Handle invited GrimReaper to chat: yo

2Hot2Handle: yo  
2Hot2Handle: buy me some soup  
2Hot2Handle: but like some chicken noodle stuff  
2Hot2Handle: none of that lentil shit you try to poison me with a few weeks ago  
GrimReaper: I’m sorry, but would you like an English Essay soup with a side of Stop Interrupting My Classes? I’m having it right now, and boy is it fulfilling.  
2Hot2Handle: no need to get your skull panties in a bunch  
GrimReaper: I can assure you, my skull panties are in fact, not in a bunch.  
2Hot2Handle: ooooooh going commando i see  
2Hot2Handle: spicy [winkie face]  
GrimReaper: Winky*  
2Hot2Handle: jfc who are you jason [question mark x3]  
2Hot2Handle: its winkie not winky  
2Hot2Handle: a winky is like a cutesy hot sauce wink to your hot teacher named jay  
2Hot2Handle: but a winkie is like full on salsa with your hot teacher jay in the locker room showers  
2Hot2Handle: you get what im saying right  
GrimReaper: I’m assuming you want spicy soup?  
2Hot2Handle: no chicken noodle duuuuuh  
2Hot2Handle: well actually you can make it spicy  
GrimReaper: Speaking of spicy, why aren’t you in school today? Specifically, why are you not sitting next to me in English, staring at a certain blond a few rows up, while texting Calypso who literally sits behind you?  
2Hot2Handle: what does that have to do with spicy tho  
2Hot2Handle: oh i get it  
2Hot2Handle: because im hot and spicy [winkie face]  
GrimReaper: Sure  
2Hot2Handle: well  
2Hot2Handle: its cause im sick  
GrimReaper: What? You’re never sick.  
2Hot2Handle: well i totally am  
2Hot2Handle: my temperature was at like 120  
GrimReaper: Leo. Do you have any idea how hot that is?  
2Hot2Handle: its like hot in farenheit  
GrimReaper: “It’s like hot” isn’t exactly the words I would say.  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: maybe it was celsius  
2Hot2Handle: yeah probably 125 celsius  
GrimReaper:   
GrimReaper: I  
GrimReaper: Sure, Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: although who even uses celsius  
2Hot2Handle: antarctica is pretty much the only place that uses it  
GrimReaper: Exactly. Because the only country outside of America is Antarctica  
GrimReaper: Where were you born exactly?  
2Hot2Handle: sweet ol texas uh duhhhh  
2Hot2Handle: just cause you were born in antarctica doesnt mean everyone else was too  
GrimReaper: Touche.  
2Hot2Handle: anyway the point is im sick  
2Hot2Handle: also im sad now too  
GrimReaper: Why?  
2Hot2Handle: because im going to miss frankiefranks partay  
GrimReaper: Oh no. Shall I take home a slice of cake and a goodie bag for you?  
2Hot2Handle: wait frankfurter has goodie bags  
2Hot2Handle: cause if he do then he has been upgraded 2 levels on my coolness chart  
GrimReaper: I was being sarcastic.  
GrimReaper: And you have a chart? Based on coolness? Graded by you?  
2Hot2Handle: well duh  
2Hot2Handle: how else am i going to judge other people  
2Hot2Handle: pretty scales are too outdone  
2Hot2Handle: and you cant rate people on sluttiness or else youll get suspended  
2Hot2Handle: and you cant write said slutty list on the boys bathroom or else you get suspended  
2Hot2Handle: and you cant put your name in capital letters as most slutty or else the principal will send home a letter about talking to a guidance counselor  
2Hot2Handle: and you also get suspended  
GrimReaper: How about not judging people at all?  
2Hot2Handle: but thats boring  
2Hot2Handle: whatever  
2Hot2Handle: your just mad cause you used to be a level 10 cool but now  
2Hot2Handle: after this convo lemme just say that you are in some uncharted uncoolness territory  
2Hot2Handle: well octavians down there but lets face it  
2Hot2Handle: no one could be more uncooler than that guy  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: yes  
GrimReaper: Shut up now.  
2Hot2Handle: sir yes sir

* * *

2Hot2Handle: yooooooo jason  
2Hot2Handle: nico told me to shut up so now im bothering you  
2Hot2Handle: also im sick so bring me soup  
2Hot2Handle: and hugs those too  
2Hot2Handle: and your dick  
2Hot2Handle: whoops my cat just walked across my screen haha  
2Hot2Handle: i meant and some blankets wow haha  
AmazingGrace: You don’t have a cat  
2Hot2Handle: are you sure  
2Hot2Handle: maybe i do  
2Hot2Handle: maybe its name is festus  
2Hot2Handle: maybe it climbs on my bed every night and jumps in hopes it will turn into a happy dragon  
AmazingGrace: You don't have a cat  
2Hot2Handle: true  
2Hot2Handle: and omg  
2Hot2Handle: are you actually ignoring class just to talk to me  
AmazingGrace: No  
AmazingGrace: It’s lunchtime  
AmazingGrace: I’m bringing soup over  
2Hot2Handle: oh cool  
2Hot2Handle: wait what  


* * *

Leo opened the front door to find a cute little Jason holding out a bag in front of him. The blond stepped back at the sight of Leo bundled up in a gigantic blanket with his nose all runny and gross. 

“Leo, you look-” 

“Shitty.” 

“-sick.” 

“Well, thanks for your astute discovery, Christopher Columbus. Any more earth shattering findings?” 

Jason eyed Leo cautiously, before sliding through the door. Jason seemed to know his way around, considering that the house layout was practically the same as his own across the street. Leo just followed him to the kitchen with an awkward cough. 

The sick male sat on one of the kitchen counters. “I’m hungry. And hot.” 

“So take off the blanket.” Jason seemed to be dumping a can of soup in a bowl to be heated up- wait, no _two_ bowls. 

“But then I’d be cold.” 

Jason raised an eyebrow but didn’t say much after that. In all honestly, Leo didn’t really notice, he was kind of too busy drifting off asleep. 

“Eat.” The warm bowl in his hand smelled yummy, along with the slices of toast to his side. The toast looked a bit burnt but it was nothing compared to how Leo made toast. 

Jason watched him swallow the first bite, before eating his own bowl of soup. 

“Why are you here?” Leo said after a few spoonfuls. He was trying to avoid the chicken- even though he knew he wanted chicken noodle soup. Sometimes, even he didn’t make sense to himself. 

“It’s open lunch?” Jason put down his bowl. “I can leave for lunch as long as I come back to the class afterward.” 

Well duh, Leo knew that. No need to explain his own high school to him. “Yeah, but why _here_? How’d you even get here?” 

“I asked for a ride from Percy.” Jason suddenly flushed bright red. “He winked and threw a link of condoms.” 

“Heh.” When Leo was feeling better, he had to give Percy a heartfelt thank you. And like a fish or something. 

“Yeah,” Jason scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “When I got here, I remembered that it would be too late to get back to school in time, so…” His face was still a bit red. 

Leo blinked. “So you’re skipping now?” 

“I guess.” Jason looked a bit ashamed of himself. His face did a weird little disgust thing. “Have you ever skipped?” 

“Duh. I skip like a month every year.” Leo stared at his spoon. The piece of chicken kind of looked that weird mole he once had on his back. Gross. 

“Really?” 

“No. I only skip when a big test comes.” 

Jason’s spoon clattered into the sink. “Well, what do you want to do now?” 

Leo pushed the mole chicken around his bowl. “Ever played the new Mythomagic game?”


	13. yeah boiiiiiiiiii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're here, ask yourself:
> 
> have i brushed my teeth today?  
> am i hungry?  
> have i given money to a person who needs it this week?  
>  _have i read chapters 11 and 12 because this author is so fukin stupid that the chapter had to be separated into three?_  
>  have i finished my homework?
> 
> once again, please ask yourself these question before continuing on :D

2Hot2Handle: lol nico jason sucks ass at mythomagic  
GrimReaper: Even more than you?  
2Hot2Handle: lol yeah  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
2Hot2Handle: hey

* * *

“So what does A do again?” Jason squinted at the screen. Leo refused to tell him where his glasses were - not that it was hard to figure out, considering the pair of golden-rimmed frames were on top of the blond’s head.

Leo pulled the blanket around him tighter. “Doesn’t matter, at this point. The Minotaur totally just kicked you in the balls.” 

“It says you stabbed me to death, Leo.” 

“Tomato, potato, it’s all the same.” 

Jason sighed, dropping his controller onto the couch. He seemed just fine with watching Leo try and pass the current level without dying. Leo, on the other hand, had half his mind on the game and the other half on his need to pee. Damn, it’s like the world hated him or something. 

“Is this what you were doing all day?” Jason asked in between the various curses erupting from a frustrated Leo. 

“Not really,” Leo said, frowning at the game. “I was sleeping and puking. I guess I was also working on my shop project.” 

“You’re in shop?” 

“It’s a club, you know? Woodworking and stuff.” Leo glared at the very beautiful Medusa who was currently petrifying his character. He meant to go right, not jump in front of her piercing eyes. He tossed his controller in disgust as the villain giggled behind the neon “YOU DIED” sign flashing across the screen. His gaze turned swiveled to Jason. “We meet on Wednesdays during Lunch. It’s pretty awesome.” 

“Oh. Cool. I didn’t know you were in any clubs.” Jason shifted his legs in a more comfortable position. 

Hmm. Jason kind of did have nice legs. But the Medusa on the screen kind of did have nice boobs. 

Legs. Boobs. Legs. Boobs. 

Hmm. This was kind of hard to think about. Wouldn’t want his head to short-circuit. 

Whichever head he was thinking with. Cough. 

Leo huffed, trying to drown himself in his warm blanket. “Yeah. I mean? I thought about sports when I was a freshman, and the coach told me to do cross-country. But then I said, ‘Aren’t you a little short for a coach, Hedge?’ - because you've seen him, holy _shit_ is he a tiny- and he yelled at me and told me to run an extra lap around the track.” 

Jason raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew about Coach Hedge’s height- a pitiful height of 5’0, especially for a man with such a huge voice. Everyone also knew about Coach Hedge’s short temper, especially when it came to his height and a certain Valdez. “You seriously said that? I think that might be why he doesn’t like you.” 

“It's a Star Wars quote- when Princess Leia is talking to her incest-y brother lover in _A New Hope_. Not my favorite quote, but it worked.” Leo shrugged. “And Hedge doesn’t hate me, he loves me. And if he did hate me, then it would probably be because of the megaphone. Or the football thing.” 

“You’re ridiculous, Valdez.” 

“I feel like everyone's said that before.” 

Jason snorted. “Maybe because it’s true?” 

* * *

2Hot2Handle: i just spent an entire afternoon with my soulmate  
2Hot2Handle: im feeling pretty fukin awesum  
2Hot2Handle: i bet youre like super jelly cause  
2Hot2Handle: no one loves you how my s/o loves meeeeeee  
2Hot2Handle: [is this you](http://images.guff.com/gallery/image/p2gomxwjw1200wv1) cause you so jelly of me and my lover and no one loves you like we love each other  
2Hot2Handle: yeah boiiiiiiiiii  
TedDIEbear: Why are you talking to me leO  
TedDIEbear: I don,t even like you, leave me alonE  
TedDIEbear: And who is that chilD  
2Hot2Handle: brooooooooooooooooooo is that not you   
2Hot2Handle: and brooooooooooooo no one likes your octupus hands either so  
TedDIEbear: UgH  
TedDIEbear: Octopus don,t even have handS  
2Hot2Handle: and neither do you brooooooooo  
2Hot2Handle: oooooooh you need some ice for that burrrrn  
TedDIEbear: What the heck that doesn,t even make sense leO  
2Hot2Handle: whatever i know youre like obsessed with me  
2Hot2Handle: i cant help it if im hot  
TedDIEbear: You talked to me firsT  
2Hot2Handle: whatever you say leo wannabe  
2Hot2Handle: lemme just say that leo isnt your color  
2Hot2Handle: anyway i just want you to know that i am very much happy with my soulmate and you shall never reach this level of nirvana with your slimy tentacles  
TedDIEbear: I have a girlfrienD  
2Hot2Handle: what the hell  
TedDIEbear: WhaT  
2Hot2Handle: how could someone as slimy and sucky as you get a gf  
TedDIEbear: WhaT  
2Hot2Handle: i dont even think thats scientifically possible  
2Hot2Handle: whateves i bet your gf is like frank or something  
TedDIEbear: It,s racheL  
2Hot2Handle: holyguacamole  
2Hot2Handle: freaking octopus how

* * *

2Hot2Handle: is it possible that octopus could be dating a total ginger babe when my last few kisses were from silena on the top of my head  
GrimReaper: Yes. It’s also 4 AM.  
2Hot2Handle: damn  
2Hot2Handle: im pathethic  
GrimReaper: Probably. It’s also probably 4 AM and some people want to sleep.  
2Hot2Handle: does jason even love me how come he hasnt proposed yet  
GrimReaper: Who knows. But I do know I want to sleep.  
2Hot2Handle: might as well paint my nails black  
2Hot2Handle: and wear all black and pretend not to listen to tswift in between the screams of the damned  
2Hot2Handle: and cut my wrists and cry and write dark poetry   
2Hot2Handle: from now on you can call me nico

GrimReaper left chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOP 10 VALGRACE STORIES ACCORDING TO # OF KUDOS*:
> 
> 1\. [Steaming Hot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1056204) by [Theworldisours](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Theworldisours/pseuds/Theworldisours)
> 
> 2\. [Perks of Popularity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4553229) by [Takara_Phoenix](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Takara_Phoenix/pseuds/Takara_Phoenix)
> 
> 3\. [Extra Cheese](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1182874) by [ connorstoll (mindhoneyAddict)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mindhoneyAddict/pseuds/connorstoll)
> 
> 4\. [So Let the Sparks Fly](http://archiveofourown.org/works/285904) by [shadowtraveled (meteorfest)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/meteorfest/pseuds/shadowtraveled)
> 
> 5\. [Aftermath](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2345855) by [genderqueerleo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/genderqueerleo/pseuds/genderqueerleo)
> 
> 6\. [don't have the right name or the right looks but i have twice the heart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3619743) by [somerdaye](http://archiveofourown.org/users/somerdaye/pseuds/somerdaye)
> 
> 7\. [The Movement of Life](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3591072) by [ bashade](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bashade/pseuds/bashade)
> 
> 8\. [I want to say I love you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5124719) by [pipermclean](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pipermclean/pseuds/pipermclean)
> 
> 9\. [Of Tapping and Betrayal](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4180230) by [spacenerdprince (Purpl3c31c3Cr34m)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Purpl31c3Cr34m/pseuds/spacenerdprince)
> 
> 10\. lol this fic what even
> 
> *Searched on 18/9/16  
> *Only refers to works with the relationship tag being ONLY Jason Grace/Leo Valdez. If tagged with other pairing, it was not taken in consideration :(
> 
> :D gotta love that Valgrace! so yeah, go ahead and read those if youre in the mood, there's got to be a reason why they have so many kudos... (also please note the above *'s for reasons why some fics might not be included).


	14. is this not us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually forgot how to write each character so this is the result of an hour or two of laziness. really short until my fingers can remember the familiar quirks of each character and such... breaks in writing is such a bad idea sometimes, please don't do it
> 
> officially edited to be posted on a spanking new and fancy writing blog??? hiphip hooray
> 
> also SOMEBODY said something about links *cough* taco get off of my fic *cough* so this is the result

2Hot2Handle: i have gathered us seven  
2Hot2Handle: to show the group picture that i have found of us  
AmazingGrace: There's eight people here  
2Hot2Handle: nico doesnt count  
2Hot2Handle: hes like dead or something  
FishBoy: true.  
BeautyQueen: Not exactly wrong  
VivaLaPluto: I’mNico’sStepSisterAndICan’tExactlyDisagree  
2Hot2Handle: jfc someone needs to teach you about this magical bar called the space bar  
2Hot2Handle: im sorry that was mean  
2Hot2Handle: i can never hurt my precious cutie hazel  
2Hot2Handle: i apologize my child  
Panda_man: uH, are YOU hitting ON my GIRLFRIEND  
2Hot2Handle: what the heck  
2Hot2Handle: first octopus now panda  
2Hot2Handle: are people into animals or something  
2Hot2Handle: i do consider myself a sexy looking fox  
Smartie121: You claimed to have a picture of us seven? Excluding Nico, of course.  
GrimReaper: I don’t care.  
2Hot2Handle: yeaaaaah i do  
2Hot2Handle: [is this not us](http://www.mamaknowsdubai.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/GP-p0001-STSilo-1024x852.jpg)  
Panda_man: uH, UHHHHHHH  
2Hot2Handle: sorry guys heres a better image  
2Hot2Handle:[no this is us](https://yvmmyfrvits.tumblr.com/post/153986847808/ao3-the-tale-of-amazinggrace-and-2hot2handle)  
BeautyQueen: Delete this  
Smartie121: Please, do.  
VivalaPluto: WhatIsThatShow?  
GrimReaper: This is amazing.  
GrimReaper: Also you write like a child.  
GrimReaper: But still amazing.  
2Hot2Handle: its cool neeks i got a pic of you too  
2Hot2Handle: [this is definitely neeks](https://yvmmyfrvits.tumblr.com/post/153986894743/ao3-the-tale-of-amazinggrace-and-2hot2handle-chap)

GrimReaper left chat

FishBoy: accurate.  
AmazingGrace: It is a bit true  
AmazingGrace: No offense though  
Panda_man: uh, will HE be OKAY  
2Hot2Handle: hes totally fine  
2Hot2Handle: just a total drama queen  
BeautyQueen: How much time do you have on your hands to find that  
BeautyQueen: How lonely are you actually Leo  
2Hot2Handle: very  
2Hot2Handle: so lonely  
2Hot2Handle: that i made an even more accurate one  
2Hot2Handle: [the most accurate of them all](https://yvmmyfrvits.tumblr.com/post/153986951573/ao3-the-tale-of-amazinggrace-and-2hot2handle-chap)

BeautyQueen left chat.  
Smartie121 left chat.  
Panda_man left chat.   
VivalaPluto left chat.

2Hot2Handle: what did i do  
FishBoy: i don’t know it was kind of funny  
2Hot2Handle: [percy is this you](http://66.media.tumblr.com/b1b89d5d08a40c0723eef7b9e2920967/tumblr_mglgqqlNcg1qmrsfeo1_1280.jpg)

FishBoy left chat.

2Hot2Handle: what happened  
2Hot2Handle: am i no longer funny  
2Hot2Handle: you appreciate my humor right jason  
AmazingGrace: Of course, Leo  
2Hot2Handle: thanks man  
2Hot2Handle: your so dependable  
2Hot2Handle: kinda like  
2Hot2Handle:[this guy here](http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11111/111113523/3605753-1936874063-31646.png)  
AmazingGrace: Im sorry Leo but

AmazingGrace left chat.


	15. nirvanal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back with the quality content yall are gay for :)  
> jk, when do i ever post something good
> 
> also thanksomuchily babe for listening to me as i complained and complained throughout this entire process of a chapter _buthonestlywhythehelldidthistakeliterallyover20tries_

2Hot2Handle: so i have candles  
2Hot2Handle: theyre red which is  
2Hot2Handle: sexy like me  
2Hot2Handle: i have virgin blood  
2Hot2Handle: which is so not mine ahem  
2Hot2Handle: i have a pentagram in black chalk  
2Hot2Handle: ruining my carpet  
2Hot2Handle: i have a book of dark spells  
2Hot2Handle: and a fucking happy meal  
2Hot2Handle: guess who im summoning  
GrimReaper: Can you not do this so early in the morning?  
GrimReaper: Also what toy is with the happy meal, cause I’m coming over, and I will be very irritated if it’s the stupid doll thing again.  
2Hot2Handle: its a hotwheels car  
2Hot2Handle: its black  
2Hot2Handle: like your soul  
2Hot2Handle: sorry thats incorrect  
2Hot2Handle: like the void where your soul should be  
GrimReaper: I’m ten minutes away.  
2Hot2Handle: good good nice nice  
2Hot2Handle: now you have to be ready for some squealing tho  
GrimReaper: Are those fries still hot?  
2Hot2Handle: yes yes of course  
2Hot2Handle: anyway guess what  
GrimReaper: What?  
2Hot2Handle: the jason grace of my dreams  
GrimReaper: What other Jason Grace is there?  
2Hot2Handle: um excuse me i was talking  
2Hot2Handle: ahem  
2Hot2Handle: my future husband has detention tomorrow afterschool  
GrimReaper: How terrible.  
GrimReaper: If I had to be honest, it’s probably your fault.  
2Hot2Handle: it was not  
2Hot2Handle: i mean it was  
2Hot2Handle: its not like i knew he would get in trouble for texting me  
2Hot2Handle: i swear if i knew i would have never texted him  
GrimReaper: I see.  
GrimReaper: I guess my endless “Leo don’t txt me I’m in class” has never once happened.  
GrimReaper: I guess it’s only important when Jason gets in trouble.  
GrimReaper: I see, Leo. I see.  
2Hot2Handle: anygaaaaaay  
2Hot2Handle: this is totally good news for me  
GrimReaper: How so?  
2Hot2Handle: jason has detention  
2Hot2Handle: guess who else has detention  
GrimReaper: You do? I’m not surprised.  
2Hot2Handle: rude  
2Hot2Handle: you wound me  
GrimReaper: What’d you get it for?  
2Hot2Handle: oh i blew up the teachers lounge  
GrimReaper: What the actual fuck.  
2Hot2Handle: joking  
2Hot2Handle: it was only the microwave  
2Hot2Handle: did you know they have a coffee machine  
2Hot2Handle: actually i think that blew up too  
2Hot2Handle: did you know they had a coffee machine  
GrimReaper: Leo. How are you not suspended?  
GrimReaper: How are you not expelled?  
2Hot2Handle: i have detention  
2Hot2Handle: for three months  
2Hot2Handle: trust me  
2Hot2Handle: expelling me would make my life so much more easier  
2Hot2Handle: dumb hedge saw me do it  
2Hot2Handle: he likes making me suffer  
2Hot2Handle: that gym teaching bastard  
2Hot2Handle: who the hell even likes gym  
2Hot2Handle: no one thats who  
GrimReaper: You are something, Leo Valdez.  
2Hot2Handle: silena and charlie said i cant leave the house  
2Hot2Handle: they took away all my video games and stuff  
2Hot2Handle: im going to die  
2Hot2Handle: the only reason why i have a phone is for emergencies  
2Hot2Handle: who are they to take away my will to live  
GrimReaper: Your parents?  
GrimReaper: Adoptive, as in they paid money to have you?  
2Hot2Handle: lol what a waste  
2Hot2Handle: if i had money to adopt a kid  
2Hot2Handle: i would spend it on a honeymoon with myself  
2Hot2Handle: itll be so romantic just me and my soulmate  
2Hot2Handle: aka myself  
2Hot2Handle: love you babe  
2Hot2Handle: love you too baby  
GrimReaper: I can’t believe I’m walking at 2 AM for this.  
2Hot2Handle: its for the happy meal mcgoth  
GrimReaper: You are right, my mission is clear, and my motives make sense.  
GrimReaper: That food better be hot, when I get there.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah yeah yeah  
2Hot2Handle: anyway as i was saying  
2Hot2Handle: both me and jaybae have detention  
2Hot2Handle: its like the breakfast club but hot and steamy  
2Hot2Handle: [insert winky face]  
GrimReaper: Did you even see the Breakfast Club?  
2Hot2Handle: anyway i see you down the street  
2Hot2Handle: im leaving my window open for you so come around through the back 

* * *

2Hot2Handle: anyway did i ever tell u the story of how me and jason kissed when we were little  
FishBoy: :O  
FishBoy: you did not. how dare you keep juicy secrets from me?  
FishBoy: after all i’ve done to get you two together.  
2Hot2Handle: lmao so like  
2Hot2Handle: back before when it was just me and jay and pipes as the three musketeers  
2Hot2Handle: which makes no sense because theres actually four of them  
2Hot2Handle: at least according to the 2011 hit movie which got a 24% rating on rotten tomatoes but also pulled 132 million in the boz office  
FishBoy: is that the one with logan lerman.  
2Hot2Handle: yeaaah  
FishBoy: he’s hot.  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: [uh huh](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GIPlA-d9gNA/Tk0PNyo4-pI/AAAAAAAAALk/XB2r8_Uv4pU/s1600/percy.jpg)  
2Hot2Handle: ok percy jackson  
FishBoy: oh gross that movie was trash.  
FishBoy: not like the book at all.  
2Hot2Handle: i didnt know you could read  
2Hot2Handle: the more you know  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: so we were maybe 4  
2Hot2Handle: and in the middle of playing mythomagic the pre-k version  
2Hot2Handle: where a knight saves the princess etc  
FishBoy: you were a knight?  
FishBoy: i don’t see it.  
2Hot2Handle: bitch no  
2Hot2Handle: i was a motherfing princess damn right  
2Hot2Handle: i handled my kingdom with grace and beauty  
FishBoy: makes sense.  
FishBoy: so was jason the prince who swept you off your feet?  
2Hot2Handle: bruh  
2Hot2Handle: have you even seen that kid  
2Hot2Handle: any boy who still cleans his glasses with wipes after years  
2Hot2Handle: is not suited for a throne  
2Hot2Handle: he was a princess too  
2Hot2Handle: piper was the knight  
FishBoy: hmm.  
FishBoy: this suddenly makes sense.  
2Hot2Handle: hell yh  
2Hot2Handle: piper is terrifying she will cut you  
2Hot2Handle: fierce as fuck  
2Hot2Handle: anygay  
2Hot2Handle: end of the game and pipers mom had to pick me and her up  
2Hot2Handle: and i guess jason didnt want to see me leave  
2Hot2Handle: cause he was clingy as fuck  
2Hot2Handle: you would not believe  
2Hot2Handle: that boy didnt share shit  
FishBoy: yeah?  
2Hot2Handle: so like jason had kissed me  
2Hot2Handle: and thalia thought it was so cute  
2Hot2Handle: and piper had just stood there  
2Hot2Handle: her mom was giggling a bunch  
2Hot2Handle: id unnno why girls think guys kissing is so cute  
FishBoy: what did you do?  
2Hot2Handle: i motherfucking decked him  
2Hot2Handle: punched him so hard he hit the ground  
FishBoy: ohmygod.  
2Hot2Handle: i said aw hell na not this gayboi shit  
2Hot2Handle: punched him so hard he started crying  
2Hot2Handle: his nose might still be crooked to this day  
2Hot2Handle: he was bleeding so much  
2Hot2Handle: im surprised he didnt die  
2Hot2Handle: you shouldve heard the impact from face to ground  
FishBoy: ohmygod.  
2Hot2Handle: pipers mom freaked  
2Hot2Handle: started running around for first aid  
2Hot2Handle: jason was like sobbing really hard  
2Hot2Handle: piper just pulled on my arm and we left  
2Hot2Handle: when pipers mom told my mama what happened  
2Hot2Handle: she laughed so hard she cried too  
2Hot2Handle: i think i said i dont do that gayboi stuff  
2Hot2Handle: but like cuter  
2Hot2Handle: cause i was cute af back then  
FishBoy: ohmygod.  
2Hot2Handle: to be honest  
2Hot2Handle: jasons mom isnt really that good of a mom  
2Hot2Handle: i think she had laughed and offered him wine  
2Hot2Handle: thats  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: but lol i aint no gayboi  
FishBoy: you are a literal flaming gay.  
2Hot2Handle: that was then this is now  
2Hot2Handle: i have learned the ways of the gays  
2Hot2Handle: technically bi  
2Hot2Handle: but yes i have read the scrolls and have lived in the mountains  
2Hot2Handle: giving me the gay knowledge  
2Hot2Handle: i have achieved the ultimate nirvana  
2Hot2Handle: nirvanal  
2Hot2Handle: i have become a buddhist and found inner peace  
2Hot2Handle: a budickst  
2Hot2Handle: and soon the student will become the teacher  
2Hot2Handle: i have chosen you  
2Hot2Handle: percy jackson  
2Hot2Handle: to become my pupil  
FishBoy: i have a girlfriend.  
FishBoy: very commited.  
2Hot2Handle: for now  
2Hot2Handle: but we all know dem shaved legs arent for lil ol annie  
FishBoy: lmao, swimmers shave their legs.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah youre a swimmer  
2Hot2Handle: but swimming in ass  
FishBoy: bro.  
2Hot2Handle: bro  
FishBoy: broooo.  
2Hot2Handle: broooooooooo  


* * *

2Hot2Handle: okay but do you think that you would have a chance against batman  
AmazingGrace: This question has zero context  
AmazingGrace: But yes I could probably take Batman  
2Hot2Handle: [so like](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/20/Batman_v_Superman_poster.jpg)  
AmazingGrace:  
AmazingGrace: You know sometimes  
AmazingGrace: It just gets harder and harder to like you  
AmazingGrace: And my finger just wants to press ‘Delete Contact’  
AmazingGrace: But still  
AmazingGrace: A little piece of me holds on  
AmazingGrace: Just in case you become a better person  
AmazingGrace: And every day  
AmazingGrace: That little piece of me withers away  
AmazingGrace: And soon  
AmazingGrace: There will be nothing  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: why are you doing this to me  
2Hot2Handle: [ you are](http://newsroom.cumc.columbia.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/salt-picture.jpg)  
2Hot2Handle: to be honest  
2Hot2Handle: i thought we had something good going on  
2Hot2Handle: but you just want to destroy any good feelings i have  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: i cant you are just  
2Hot2Handle: [omfg you are just the](http://a4.mzstatic.com/us/r30/Purple2/v4/44/8f/39/448f396a-2cd9-802c-df8d-6361a12d222f/screen480x480.jpeg)  
AmazingGrace: Remember this moment next time you get me in detention you little bitch  
2Hot2Handle: jesus  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: who the hell are you anymore  
2Hot2Handle: it was detention not fucking guantanamo bay  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle: i dont feel safe anymore  
2Hot2Handle: and thats weird cause im literally talking to the mom friend™  
2Hot2Handle: and mom friends™ are supposed to protect you  
AmazingGrace: I had a perfect record  
AmazingGrace: No misdemeanors  
2Hot2Handle: you punched octopus in the gut in the 8th grade  
2Hot2Handle: he didnt come back to school for 3 days  
AmazingGrace: He had it coming to him  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle: hot damn  
2Hot2Handle: i would be lying if i said that wasnt a bit hot  
2Hot2Handle: but you did punch octavian for uhhh  
2Hot2Handle: expressing his opinions very loudly i think  
AmazingGrace: I did  
AmazingGrace: But he didn’t give me detention  
AmazingGrace: But you did  
AmazingGrace: I hope you remember that  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle: ok i will be honest  
2Hot2Handle: i peed a little  
2Hot2Handle: but boiiiiiiii do you know who i am  
2Hot2Handle: [try me bitch](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bjox7CnaSoE/maxresdefault.jpg)  
2Hot2Handle: come at me  
AmazingGrace: I live across the street  
AmazingGrace: It wont be that long of a walk  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: id admit  
2Hot2Handle: im feeling a little bit terrified  
2Hot2Handle: maybe even a bit threatened  
2Hot2Handle: but you gotta admit  
2Hot2Handle: detention was fun together remember making those paper airplanes and throwing them haha  
AmazingGrace: You know what else is fun?  
AmazingGrace: No misdemeanors  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: annnnnnnnyway  
2Hot2Handle: lets talk about something else  
2Hot2Handle: im getting my braces off  
2Hot2Handle: its gonna be greaaaaaat  
2Hot2Handle: youll be blinded whenever i smile  
2Hot2Handle: not that you arent already heh im too cute for this world  
AmazingGrace: Disputable  
2Hot2Handle: disputa-rude  
2Hot2Handle: anyway no more would i be railroad tracks leonidas valdez  
2Hot2Handle: now i am straight teeth leonidas valdez  
AmazingGrace: Wait  
AmazingGrace: You’re real name is Leonidas  
2Hot2Handle: yes  
2Hot2Handle: [do you wanna see my birth certificate bro](http://riordan.wikia.com/wiki/Leo_Valdez)  
AmazingGrace: Nah I’m good  
AmazingGrace: Leonidas  
2Hot2Handle: can you not call me that  
AmazingGrace: Of course  
AmazingGrace: Leonidas  
AmazingGrace: :)  
2Hot2Handle: i c u r still saltier than ur cooking ok  
AmazingGrace: :)  
AmazingGrace: Okay Leonidas  
2Hot2Handle: yeah ok laugh all you want  
2Hot2Handle: but at least my name isnt the first initial of five consecutive months  
AmazingGrace: Yeah okay Leonidas :)  
2Hot2Handle: july august september october november  
2Hot2Handle: if you do not stop  
2Hot2Handle: i will tell on you  
2Hot2Handle: i swear to god  
2Hot2Handle: i will make you have detention for the rest of your life  
AmazingGrace: Try me Leonidas :)  
AmazingGrace: I’m already ready to get in trouble for kicking your ass :)  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: okay maybe i wont  
2Hot2Handle: also maybe you need to chill  
AmazingGrace: Really Leonidas? :)  
AmazingGrace: (: Do I really  
AmazingGrace: :) Need  
AmazingGrace: (: To  
AmazingGrace: :) Chill?  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: yes  
2Hot2Handle: you know what you remind me off  
2Hot2Handle: [aka control yourself](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/600x315/f0/69/09/f06909a2afaccec4d5dc3e666332dcc1.jpg)  
2Hot2Handle: anyway i just thought you should know about my teeth  
2Hot2Handle: that ill be a new man come monday  
2Hot2Handle: and itll be  
2Hot2Handle: great  
AmazingGrace: Okay  
AmazingGrace: Good for you I guess  
AmazingGrace: Congrats  
2Hot2Handle: oh so youre not mad anymore  
AmazingGrace: See you Monday Leonidas :)  


* * *

2Hot2Handle: okay it wasnt really a fantasy of mine  
2Hot2Handle: but if you see that i dont come to school on monday  
2Hot2Handle: its jasons fault cause he beat me up  
2Hot2Handle: but he will beat me up so good so nice so rough  
2Hot2Handle: and that in itself is satisfying  
2Hot2Handle: actually  
2Hot2Handle: as a matter of fact  
2Hot2Handle: yes jason beat me up  
2Hot2Handle: im ready for that hardcore stuff  
2Hot2Handle: mess up my face and what not go wild on me baby  
2Hot2Handle: go wild  
BeautyQueen: As much as I would love to explore your sadistic sexual fantasies\  
BeautyQueen: And believe me  
BeautyQueen: I would  
BeautyQueen: Its 4 AM  
BeautyQueen: So I would reverse my way out of this conversation if I were you  
2Hot2Handle: yknow  
2Hot2Handle: i thought you were the only one who cared about me  
2Hot2Handle: after being tossed aside by percy  
2Hot2Handle: and deliciously pushed away by jason  
2Hot2Handle: (he so wants me)  
2Hot2Handle: you are all that i have left  
BeautyQueen: What about Nico  
2Hot2Handle: lmao did he ever like me  
2Hot2Handle: im surprised he hasnt kicked my ass yet to be honest  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: i came to your door  
2Hot2Handle: asking for shelter and food and general support in jason section of my life  
2Hot2Handle: and you have left me out in the cold to deal with the forces of nature  
BeautyQueen: Okay thats great Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: all my friends suck  
BeautyQueen: (But not as much as you) goodnight :)  
2Hot2Handle: (true) nite :)  



	16. the sodium™ chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the sodium™ chapter i've been waiting for
> 
> time to lose my subscribers and anyone who might've liked this
> 
> it was nice ✌

2Hot2Handle: i wrote a song to express my love  
GrimReaper: Great.  
2Hot2Handle: i think that was sarcastic  
GrimReaper: What gave it away?  
2Hot2Handle: why are you so pissy nowadays  
2Hot2Handle: like a girl  
2Hot2Handle: on her period  
BeautyQueen: I take much offense to that  
BeautyQueen: You obviously have never seen yourself  
2Hot2Handle: what does that mean  
BeautyQueen: Remember that time we went to Starbucks  
BeautyQueen: And they didnt give you extra whip  
2Hot2Handle: no  
BeautyQueen: I think you made a guy quit his job  
BeautyQueen: I think the lady peed herself  
2Hot2Handle: oh yeah i remember that now  
2Hot2Handle: how dare she not give me the extra whipped cream  
2Hot2Handle: i paid extra for that  
BeautyQueen: Yeah ok  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: my song is great and its to the one and only  
2Hot2Handle: jason grace  
GrimReaper: Go on.  
2Hot2Handle: okay its a little rough but:  
2Hot2Handle: but she wears short skirts  
2Hot2Handle: i wear t-shirts  
2Hot2Handle: shes cheer captain  
2Hot2Handle: and im on the bleachers  
2Hot2Handle: dreaming about the day when you wake up  
2Hot2Handle: and find that what youre looking for  
2Hot2Handle: has been here the whole time  
GrimReaper: That’s.  
GrimReaper: Very original.  
BeautyQueen: Wait  
BeautyQueen: Isnt that just that song  
GrimReaper: No. It’s obviously Leo’s original.  
GrimReaper: Let him, continue this is great.  
2Hot2Handle: okay so like heres the chorus  
2Hot2Handle: if you can see im the one who understands you  
2Hot2Handle: been here all along why cant you see  
2Hot2Handle: you belong with me  
2Hot2Handle: you belong with me  
GrimReaper: Wonderful.  
GrimReaper: Maybe you should make money of it.  
GrimReaper: Change your name to Taylor though.  
2Hot2Handle: why  
BeautyQueen: Dye your hair blond  
BeautyQueen: I have red lipstick you can borrow  
GrimReaper: This is such an amazing song. I’m surprised no one else wrote it.  
2Hot2Handle: well by excellencs does beseech me  
BeautyQueen: Do you even know what that means  
2Hot2Handle: shut up  
2Hot2Handle: anyway we will see we will see  
2Hot2Handle: hows will nico  
GrimReaper: Who?  
2Hot2Handle: w i l l s o l a c e  
2Hot2Handle: he works at that coffeeshop i think  
2Hot2Handle: he was only briefly mentioned and then i guess  
2Hot2Handle: we all just forgot about him  
2Hot2Handle: but i didnt  
2Hot2Handle: because he is important to you and u luv him  
GrimReaper: What.  
GrimReaper: Oh.  
GrimReaper: Yeah.  
GrimReaper: Him.  
2Hot2Handle: maybe you should ask him out  
2Hot2Handle: but hes like 2x your age  
BeautyQueen: No hes not  
BeautyQueen: Hes like 17  
2Hot2Handle: yeah and nico is like 14 so thats like 14+14  
2Hot2Handle: wait  
BeautyQueen: Did you just  
2Hot2Handle: shut up im not thinking  
GrimReaper: I’m 16.  
GrimReaper: I’m older than you.  
2Hot2Handle: are you sure  
2Hot2Handle: cause  
2Hot2Handle: im pretty sure youre like 14  
2Hot2Handle: and that age gap would be yknow  
BeautyQueen: Frank is 16 and Hazel is 13  
2Hot2Handle: what the fuck really  
2Hot2Handle: ive been talking to a child this entire time  
2Hot2Handle: isnt she supposed to be in kindergarten  
BeautyQueen: She is a freshman  
2Hot2Handle: huh  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: that solace guy  
GrimReaper: I still can’t tell if you’re serious.  
GrimReaper: Did you really think I was 14?  
2Hot2Handle: idk you like mythomagic soooo  
GrimReaper:  
GrimReaper: Do you remember that one time where you made Jason Grace  
GrimReaper: Go with you to GameStop in the middle of the night  
GrimReaper: Just to buy Mythomagic.  
2Hot2Handle: i do not recall  
GrimReaper: 

GrimReaper left the chat.

2Hot2Handle: we should hook them up  
BeautyQueen: Who  
2Hot2Handle: will and nico  
2Hot2Handle: they are made to be obviously  
2Hot2Handle: nico is dark  
2Hot2Handle: will is light  
2Hot2Handle: duuuuuuuh  
BeautyQueen: Is that the only reason why  
BeautyQueen: Doesnt seem that healthy  
2Hot2Handle: duh they are perfect  
BeautyQueen: Its like you and Calypso  
BeautyQueen: It was just because you thought she was cute  
BeautyQueen: And she literally had no other options  
2Hot2Handle: that was such a healthy relationship  
2Hot2Handle: we obviously liked each other at the time  
2Hot2Handle: it felt good i guess  
BeautyQueen: Whatever you say Leo  
2Hot2Handle: you are just mad i got to her first  
BeautyQueen: It doesnt matter  
BeautyQueen: Because I treat her better  
BeautyQueen: And not like a prize  
BeautyQueen: Or some quest to be won  
2Hot2Handle: why are you getting metaphorical on me  
BeautyQueen: See you tomorrow Leo  


* * *

2Hot2Handle invited SunnySideUp to chat: hello

2Hot2Handle: hello  
SunnySideUp: Who are you  
2Hot2Handle: i am your new fairy godmother  
2Hot2Handle: bippity boppity bo bitch  
2Hot2Handle: about to make all your dreams come true  
SunnySideUp: Can you make this conversation disappear?  
2Hot2Handle: i  
2Hot2Handle: i thought you were the nice one  
2Hot2Handle: if both you and nico are mean  
2Hot2Handle: who will be the nice one  
SunnySideUp: The hell?  
2Hot2Handle: okay do you see [this raccoon](http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/56861/1189154362/emoraccoon.jpg)  
2Hot2Handle: this is my buddy nico  
2Hot2Handle: he really likes [this sun](http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/23/video-undefined-243EDFFC00000578-49_636x358.jpg)  
2Hot2Handle: (you bytheway)  
2Hot2Handle: but he doesnt know how to say it  
SunnySideUp: So?  
2Hot2Handle: what does he have to do to unlock your heart  
SunnySideUp: I don’t even know him  
SunnySideUp: I’ve seen him around, yes.  
SunnySideUp: But have you seen me ever talk to him?  
SunnySideUp: I think he first came around 6 years ago.  
SunnySideUp: I’ve only really remembered his order up till recently  
2Hot2Handle: aha  
2Hot2Handle: theres the proof  
2Hot2Handle: that you love him  
SunnySideUp: What  
SunnySideUp: Just because I’m pan  
SunnySideUp: Doesn’t mean you have to place me with your gay friend.  
2Hot2Handle: but how will you meet cute gay guys then  
2Hot2Handle: [look at nico all sad now](http://thethings0.imgix.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/rocket-the-raccoon-feature.jpg)  
SunnySideUp: There’s apps. Grindr is great.  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
2Hot2Handle: wait so if youre pan  
2Hot2Handle: and your username is SunnySideUp  
2Hot2Handle: does that mean your entire life  
2Hot2Handle: revolves around eggs  
SunnySideUp: No  
SunnySideUp: Well, Maybe  
2Hot2Handle: eggcellent  
SunnySideUp: hA  
2Hot2Handle: dont make my jokes crack you up heh  
SunnySideUp: Too late lmao  


* * *

2Hot2Handle: how is your life  
2Hot2Handle: sad as ever i bet  
TedDIEbear: Why are you harassing mE  
2Hot2Handle: am not  
2Hot2Handle: all my humor is always very funny  
2Hot2Handle: and not offensive  
2Hot2Handle: just ask frankyfrank  
TedDIEbear: Leave me alone valdeZ  
2Hot2Handle: no wait  
2Hot2Handle: ill leave you alone i promise  
2Hot2Handle: im just being classic leo  
2Hot2Handle: always making dem jokes  
2Hot2Handle: but only to make up for my sadness  
2Hot2Handle: because my mom died  
2Hot2Handle: and i was there and i think i caused the fire  
2Hot2Handle: the fire that killed her because its all my fault  
2Hot2Handle: and my real dad doesnt even want me  
2Hot2Handle: he only spoke to me once but when i was 15  
2Hot2Handle: and he didnt even say sorry for leaving me alone for years  
2Hot2Handle: and all i want to do is fall in love with someone  
2Hot2Handle: because there is no other way to heal this pain  
2Hot2Handle: absolutely no other way  
2Hot2Handle: so i love every girl i meet  
2Hot2Handle: and sometimes guys i guess  
2Hot2Handle: and people always put me off as dumb  
2Hot2Handle: and im just another useless wheel to my friends  
2Hot2Handle: and i found this girl i really liked  
2Hot2Handle: except it felt weird and forced because i didnt really like her  
2Hot2Handle: it was like i h a d to like her  
2Hot2Handle: but now here i am again  
2Hot2Handle: falling for some dumb guy again  
2Hot2Handle: because thats all there is for me to do anymore  
2Hot2Handle: maybe this is all i am to the world  
2Hot2Handle: i started out with so much potential  
2Hot2Handle: only to crash and burn to this shadow of a person  
2Hot2Handle: and i think everyone knows it  
2Hot2Handle: but i cant really change  
TedDIEbear: LeO  
TedDIEbear: I had no ideA  
TedDIEbear: If it helpS  
TedDIEbear: I don,t think I got the future I deserveD  
2Hot2Handle: lmao what  
2Hot2Handle: i was just joking dude  
2Hot2Handle: dont get weird on me you loser  
2Hot2Handle: im perfect and cool lol everyone loves me  
2Hot2Handle: your like the secondary character to my life  
2Hot2Handle: and im the star lmaooo get off my stage  
2Hot2Handle: if we died at the same time everyone will care about me lmaooo  
TedDIEbear: Screw you valdeZ  
2Hot2Handle: hahahaha you wish  
2Hot2Handle: and the best part about all this is  
2Hot2Handle: someone who might steal my phone  
2Hot2Handle: will laugh because i am leo valdez  
2Hot2Handle: the comedy joke ha ha h a  
2Hot2Handle: just trying to be funny again to cover my lonliness ha ha h a  
2Hot2Handle: oh shit my poptarts are burning  
2Hot2Handle: peace out octopus  
2Hot2Handle: see ya  


2Hot2Handle left the chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ☕


	17. getting laid from the grave (pt 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update because author and ao3 are dumb x2
> 
> happy 20k, over 50 comments, nearly 200 kudos, and over 2k hits. it's been a process lmaoo :')
> 
> and now we are slowly getting back to plot. in the dumbest way possible.
> 
> (also how did so many of you find this??? its legit only tagged valgrace, a bunch of characters, and like my ramblings??? c r a z y)

2Hot2Handle invited AmazingGrace, GrimReaper, FishBoy, Panda_man, and TedDIEbear to chat: we are all going to die

2Hot2Handle: do you ever just think about how  
2Hot2Handle: we all are going to die  
AmazingGrace: Not really  
AmazingGrace: I mean it’s going to happen eventually  
AmazingGrace: But I’d rather live my life as best as I can  
2Hot2Handle: wow that was beautiful  
2Hot2Handle: a tear has been brought to my eye  
2Hot2Handle: what about you nico  
GrimReaper: Sometimes.  
GrimReaper: But like Jason said.  
GrimReaper: You’ve got to live life to the fullest.  
2Hot2Handle: wow um ok boy meets world  
2Hot2Handle: what life coach have you been talking to  
GrimReaper: And sometimes I see that your death might happen a lot earlier than planned.  
2Hot2Handle: murder is illegal  
GrimReaper: Maybe, only if you get caught.  
2Hot2Handle: no  
2Hot2Handle: it definitely still is illegal  
FishBoy: if you kill nico, then who will hold the funeral?  
2Hot2Handle: true  
2Hot2Handle: the only one depressing enough to hold funerals  
2Hot2Handle: is nico  
2Hot2Handle: who’s been putting the fun in funerals  
2Hot2Handle: since forever  
GrimReaper: Perhaps.  
AmazingGrace: No one’s killing anyone here  
2Hot2Handle: hmm you should be a cop  
2Hot2Handle: with the uniform  
2Hot2Handle: and handcuffs  
2Hot2Handle: is that a gun in your pocket  
2Hot2Handle: or are  
2Hot2Handle: you  
2Hot2Handle: just  
2Hot2Handle: happy  
2Hot2Handle: to  
2Hot2Handle: see  
TedDIEbear: Don,t you dare finish thaT  
2Hot2Handle: the law being taken care of in a careful and meaningful way  
FishBoy: wow.  
FishBoy: maybe jason should be a cop.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah thatll be hot  
AmazingGrace: What?  
2Hot2Handle: i mean  
2Hot2Handle: itll be hot to see the criminals being taken down in such a lawful manner  
TedDIEbear: That doesn,t even make sensE  
2Hot2Handle: yeah ok shut up your existence doesnt even make sense  
2Hot2Handle: you should be like a garbageman or something  
TedDIEbear: Custodial staff deserve more respect for doing the job no one wants to dO  
TedDIEbear: Besides it,ll be like dealing with you everyday of my life’ no thankS  
2Hot2Handle: what  
GrimReaper: He’s calling you trash.  
2Hot2Handle: hes calling me  
2Hot2Handle: leo valdez  
2Hot2Handle: trash  
FishBoy: yep.  
2Hot2Handle: fair enough  
TedDIEbear: WhaT  
TedDIEbear: No comebackS  
2Hot2Handle: nope  
GrimReaper: Huh. Even I’m surprised.  
FishBoy: suspicious.  
2Hot2Handle: nope  
2Hot2Handle: nothing  
2Hot2Handle: no comebacks  
AmazingGrace: Normally you have something to say back  
2Hot2Handle: nah  
TedDIEbear: Well this is neW  
TedDIEbear: Like a scene in a horror moviE  
GrimReaper: I looked out my window, and I am very shocked to see that the sky is not falling.  
FishBoy: maybe it’s jason’s influence.  
FishBoy: this is a disaster.  
AmazingGrace: How is my influence a disaster  
FishBoy: because if you’re the mom friend™,  
FishBoy: that'll make leo the dad friend™.  
GrimReaper: That’s actually terrifying.  
TedDIEbear: Why is that baD  
FishBoy: two words. dad jokes.  
GrimReaper: Oh fuck no.  
2Hot2Handle: why are you panicking  
2Hot2Handle: i am not the dad friend  
FishBoy: please leo.  
FishBoy: save yourself.  
FishBoy: before you succumb to the darkness.  
FishBoy: you’re too young to go this way.  
GrimReaper: As much as I don’t want to say it.  
GrimReaper: But you must say something rude back.  
GrimReaper: It’s our only hope.  
2Hot2Handle: are you guys okay  
AmazingGrace: I would expect this from Percy but not Nico  
2Hot2Handle: yeah whats up with that  
GrimReaper: We are too late.  
FishBoy: he’s already agreeing with the mom.  
FishBoy: he’ll come to school tomorrow in a tie.  
FishBoy: with a briefcase and a combover.  
2Hot2Handle: hey i like my hair i dont need a combover  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
GrimReaper: You have to talk back to Octavian.  
GrimReaper: Haven’t you been calling him octopus for half your life?  
GrimReaper: Where did your fighting spirit go?  
FishBoy: it’s gone just like the hope for this world.  
2Hot2Handle: uh being trash isnt even an insult  
2Hot2Handle: at this point i have accepted my dumpster ways  
TedDIEbear: OH  
TedDIEbear: I see noW  
TedDIEbear: This is terriblE  
FishBoy: i’m screaming.  
GrimReaper: Good thing my dad has that bunker just in case the Texans declare war.  
GrimReaper: A brilliant plan, Father.  
AmazingGrace: Wait what  
FishBoy: nico i’m heading your way.  
FishBoy: i knew there was a reason why i liked my uncle.  
2Hot2Handle: yo your dad needs to chill with those conspiracies tho  
2Hot2Handle: last time i came over he wanted to know if i knew anything  
2Hot2Handle: about the chupacabra  
2Hot2Handle: which does exist i swear ive seen that little fucker  
FishBoy: yeah your dad is a bit crazy with those.  
GrimReaper: I try not to let it get to me.  
GrimReaper: His zombie survival guide is actually very helpful.  
GrimReaper: It comes to mind that Leo might be a zombie.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: actually that makes sense  
2Hot2Handle: thatll explain my craving for brains  
AmazingGrace: Your what now  
GrimReaper: What.  
FishBoy: aaaaAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
TedDIEbear: I,m not surpriseD  
TedDIEbear: It,s easy to crave something you don,t havE  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: okay that was a good one  
FishBoy: it’s worse than we thought.  
GrimReaper: Sign #4 is a lack of usual excitement in activities.  
GrimReaper: Leo used to love making fun of Octavian. Now he's actually agreeing with him.  
2Hot2Handle: i guess  
2Hot2Handle: important question: can a human and a zombie date tho  
GrimReaper: It depends. How high is your urge to eat brains?  
2Hot2Handle: a 4  
GrimReaper: Maybe.  
2Hot2Handle: oh ok cool  
FishBoy: nice.  
FishBoy: getting laid from the grave *high five*  
2Hot2Handle: *high five*  
GrimReaper: Leo still holds his happiness, so perhaps it’s not too late to cure him.  
AmazingGrace: Is your dad really into conspiracies  
FishBoy: why do you think nico is the way he is?  
FishBoy: it’s gotta be something strange to make strange.  
2Hot2Handle: you should see the attic  
2Hot2Handle: fucking weird  
AmazingGrace: What’s in the attic  
GrimReaper: Anyway.  
GrimReaper: If Leo is in fact a zombie.  
GrimReaper: Then killing him won’t be illegal.  
GrimReaper: Because it’s for the good of society.  
GrimReaper: So go ahead, Leo.  
GrimReaper: Say my attic is weird one more time.  
GrimReaper: See what happens.  
FishBoy: dude, but it is super weird.  
2Hot2Handle: yeah wtf is wrong with your family  
GrimReaper: I mean I know it’s weird, but that doesn’t mean you can say that.  
AmazingGrace: What’s in the attic though  
TedDIEbear: Trust me Grace you don,t want to knoW  
AmazingGrace: How does Octavian know but not me  
2Hot2Handle: trust me jason  
2Hot2Handle: when you get married to m  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: that special person  
2Hot2Handle: you will be in the know  
2Hot2Handle: of every oddity that is happening to this group  
AmazingGrace: I have never been more confused in my life  
FishBoy: where’s frank?  
2Hot2Handle: whos that  
GrimReaper: “Hotdogman”  
2Hot2Handle: ohhhh that guy  
2Hot2Handle: idk i added him cause he seems nice  
2Hot2Handle: not that i know anything about him tho but who does  
2Hot2Handle: can we go back to the conversation though  
2Hot2Handle: where we were discussing future jobs  
FishBoy: jason’s a cop.  
FishBoy: tav is a garbageman.  
2Hot2Handle: wait what the fuck  
2Hot2Handle: did you just call him tav  
FishBoy: yeah.  
TedDIEbear: He calls me that sometimeS  
TedDIEbear: Actually a lot of my friends dO  
2Hot2Handle: lmao what  
2Hot2Handle: you  
2Hot2Handle: octopus  
2Hot2Handle: have  
2Hot2Handle: friends [questionmark]  
2Hot2Handle: sorry brb i need to clean the walls  
AmazingGrace: Why?  
2Hot2Handle: because my mind has been blown  
FishBoy: bruh.  
2Hot2Handle: hey did you know that word is apart of googles dictionary  
2Hot2Handle: [look up bruh on google](https://www.google.com/search?q=bruh&rlz=1CALOEL_enUS677US677&oq=bruh&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.779j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)  
2Hot2Handle: and itll show up on the search page as a word  
2Hot2Handle: apparently it used to be popular in the 1850s  
2Hot2Handle: crazy am i right  
GrimReaper: Shit.  
GrimReaper: Leo is actually looking things up.  
GrimReaper: No bunker can prepare for this apocalypse.  
GrimReaper: Also I can’t believe you actually came here, Percy.  
FishBoy: i’m not dying.  
FishBoy: not today.  
FishBoy: not when i have yet to check out the new exhibit at the aquarium.  
FishBoy: tickets are buy one get one half off on wednesday btw.  
FishBoy: but if you bring a group of five people or more, you get three coupons for a free meal at the restaurant there.  
FishBoy: a lovely deal for a family getaway to explore the depths of the ocean right from your city.  
2Hot2Handle: wow that sounds cool we should go  
TedDIEbear: WhaT  
TedDIEbear: No comment on his blatant advertisinG  
TedDIEbear: No ,,gee thanks brochure off the interneT,,  
2Hot2Handle: no why would i say that  
2Hot2Handle: thats like really mean  
2Hot2Handle: this trip sounds like a really cool thing to do  
2Hot2Handle: man octopus  
2Hot2Handle: i thought you would like to see your family there  
2Hot2Handle: so excuse me for trying to reunite you and save money at the same time  
AmazingGrace: Oh I get it  
AmazingGrace: Octopus  
AmazingGrace: Aquarium  
AmazingGrace: Ha, good one Leo  
2Hot2Handle: jason hon  
2Hot2Handle: you are cute and actually really smart  
2Hot2Handle: and very nice and sweet and kind of a dork  
2Hot2Handle: but can you  
2Hot2Handle: shut  
2Hot2Handle: up  
2Hot2Handle: you are ruining my reputation of being a badass  
2Hot2Handle: i love you and all but  
2Hot2Handle: shh  
AmazingGrace: Oddly enough, I feel ashamed.  
2Hot2Handle: there ._.  
2Hot2Handle: you :|  
2Hot2Handle: go .-.  
2Hot2Handle: again |:  
2Hot2Handle: honey go wait in the car ._.  
2Hot2Handle: papi is trying to be better than these neighborhood punks  
2Hot2Handle: teach them not to walk on my lawn  
AmazingGrace: Why are you telling me to wait in the car, there's no car  
2Hot2Handle: honey  
2Hot2Handle: go wait  
2Hot2Handle: in the  
2Hot2Handle: car  
AmazingGrace: Jeez okay okay.  
2Hot2Handle: omg  
2Hot2Handle: wives am i right  
FishBoy: my annabeth would probably kick my ass if i continued this convo  
TedDIEbear: Rachel can be terrifyinG  
GrimReaper: I’m gay and single.  
2Hot2Handle: huh  
2Hot2Handle: but its like we like the torture of liking someone too good for us  
2Hot2Handle: am i right or am i right fellas  
GrimReaper: You're telling me.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Percy and Frank's conversation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6038220/chapters/25408701)


	18. n i c o d i a n g e l o - s a n (pt 2)

2Hot2Handle: altho against the notion of liking raccoonico at first  
2Hot2Handle: that will guy seems cool  
FishBoy: who?  
AmazingGrace: Ooh, I can answer this  
2Hot2Handle: go on honey  
AmazingGrace: Will Solace, 17, aspiring nurse, senior in high school, birthday is scheduled date of graduation  
AmazingGrace: He’s in our English class, due to missing out on too many classes last year  
2Hot2Handle: holy shit really its like everyones in that class  
2Hot2Handle: you me nico calypso  
2Hot2Handle: like that convient setting in a tv show so the director could focus on a group without moving back and forth between sets so literally all the drama happens in the same classroom every single episode for the sake of convenience  
AmazingGrace: ...Sure. Due to an arrangement, I think he now takes the class at night to catch up and avoid getting left back because he didn't take 12th grade English  
FishBoy: he’s a senior too thats cool  
2Hot2Handle: wait youre a senior  
FishBoy: yeah  
2Hot2Handle: why do we never talk about this  
2Hot2Handle: i literally learned hazel was 13 like 2 weeks ago  
2Hot2Handle: can we just have a time where we talk about this stuff  
2Hot2Handle: you are literally graduating at the end of this year  
2Hot2Handle: how am i supposed to deal with losing the coolest person ever  
GrimReaper: I thought Jason was the coolest person ever  
AmazingGrace: I am?  
2Hot2Handle: no  
2Hot2Handle: two different cools  
2Hot2Handle: percy is the coolest  
2Hot2Handle: hes my senpai  
FishBoy: aw thanks you are my senpai too  
2Hot2Handle: aw thanks  
GrimReaper: I’m pretty sure that is not how it works.  
2Hot2Handle: silence fool-kun  
2Hot2Handle: you are not the one who has spent 14 days straight watching one piece  
2Hot2Handle: nor have you spent 7 days straight watching dbz  
2Hot2Handle: so i think i would know how japanese honorifics work  
2Hot2Handle: n i c o d i a n g e l o - s a n  
TedDIEbear: You are such a nerD  
TedDIEbear: And evidently have no lifE  
FishBoy: don’t talk to my senpai like that.  
FishBoy: silence fool-kun  
2Hot2Handle: thank you percy-senpai  
2Hot2Handle: now as we were saying  
2Hot2Handle: you are a senior  
FishBoy: yeah. so is annie, reyna, and tav.  
2Hot2Handle: holy shit  
GrimReaper: What?  
2Hot2Handle: this is the best day ever  
FishBoy: what?  
2Hot2Handle: octavian  
2Hot2Handle: will be gone from my life  
2Hot2Handle: this is amazing  
2Hot2Handle: holy fuck  
TedDIEbear: Wait till June to say thaT  
TedDIEbear: We still got timE  
TedDIEbear: And how I want it to enD  
2Hot2Handle: fucking  
2Hot2Handle: why must you ruin my mood  
2Hot2Handle: but see you octopus  
2Hot2Handle: this time was great  
2Hot2Handle: but itll all end soon  
2Hot2Handle: and whoever is up there in the sky  
2Hot2Handle: im sorry to have denied you for so long  
2Hot2Handle: but you have blessed me  
2Hot2Handle: and i am in your debt  
2Hot2Handle: thank you  
2Hot2Handle: for making my dreams come true  
2Hot2Handle: bye octopus  
2Hot2Handle: see you never  
AmazingGrace: :O

* * *

FishBoy invited 2Hot2Handle to chat: mia

FishBoy: i have invited us all to discuss the whereabouts of one frank zhang.  
FishBoy: i have reason to believe that frank zhang has been kidnapped.  
SunshineIslands: (⊙△⊙✿) oh no!  
SunshineIslands: ∑(O_O；) errr but who is frank?  
2Hot2Handle: i have literally never met a frank in my entire life  
GrimReaper: “Hotdogman”  
2Hot2Handle: oh yeah that dude  
2Hot2Handle: yeah he’s gone welp we tried  
AmazingGrace: We need to call the police ASAP  
FishBoy: we can’t.  
FishBoy: octavian does drugs and can’t be busted.  
TedDIEbear: I do not do drugS  
FishBoy: i saw him smoking weed with rachel and grover.  
FishBoy: octavian is fucking insane.  
FishBoy: his pencil case is filled with coke.  
FishBoy: that’s why he’s so stingy with his pencils.  
FishBoy: because he has none, it’s just drugs.  
TedDIEbear: Shut uP  
2Hot2Handle: oh shit  
2Hot2Handle: octopus i cant believe you were holding out on me  
2Hot2Handle: see me in the back of the school tomorrow ok  
AmazingGrace: You are not doing drugs  
2Hot2Handle: nevermind just realized i shouldnt do drugs  
2Hot2Handle: anyway about this frankfurter man  
2Hot2Handle: so hes missing  
2Hot2Handle: and we cant call the cops  
GrimReaper: Apparently.  
2Hot2Handle: lets call the cops tho  
SunshineIslands: ヾ( •́д•̀ ;)ﾉ but the drugs!  
2Hot2Handle: thats why we will call them  
2Hot2Handle: fuck octavians drugs  
TedDIEbear: I hate yoU  
2Hot2Handle: noted  
FishBoy: guys!  
FishBoy: we gotta find my man frank, or i will go to each and every one of your houses,  
FishBoy: and drag you out late at night,  
FishBoy: to go on a searching spree.  
2Hot2Handle: bitch this aint no scooby doo  
FishBoy: well shut the fuck up velma  
FishBoy: because we are finding frank zhang tonight!  
AmazingGrace:  
SunshineIslands: (⊙ȏ⊙)  
2Hot2Handle: to be fair i think i’m more of a daphne im just saying  
FishBoy: true true.  
FishBoy: but seriously, where is my man frank?  
GrimReaper: Why did you choose us to find him?  
GrimReaper: I mean, this chat is with, me, Jason, Frank, Octavian, Calypso, Leo, and yourself.  
GrimReaper: An odd arrangement.  
FishBoy: well to be honest, i only really needed you and jason.  
FishBoy: both of you are reasonable and would be able to think outside the box.  
FishBoy: but like, leo is entertaining.  
2Hot2Handle: damn straight  
FishBoy: calypso is at a sleepover with all the girls at nico’s/hazel’s house, so talking to her, is like talking with annie, hazel, and piper all in one.  
FishBoy: i added frank just in case he responds with a sos.  
FishBoy: and octavian? my finger slipped and i accidentally clicked him.  
2Hot2Handle: hahaha lil bitch was an accident ha  
TedDIEbear: You were an accidenT  
2Hot2Handle: u lil hoe how dare u  
GrimReaper: Hm.  
AmazingGrace: What does Frank do in his spare time  
2Hot2Handle: fuck if i know  
2Hot2Handle: i forget that dude exists like every other minute  
FishBoy: knitting. he goes fishing i think? i'm not really sure.  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: im not saying anything about the guy knitting i swear i wont  
GrimReaper: Jason, shouldn’t you know? Aren’t you guys friends?  
AmazingGrace: Supposedly  
AmazingGrace: But I guess I don’t actually know him too well  
2Hot2Handle: maybe you should ask hazel  
TedDIEbear: And here in this rare momenT  
TedDIEbear: Leo says something worth our timE  
2Hot2Handle: everything i say is worth your time boi  
GrimReaper: Not even close to worth my time.  
2Hot2Handle: okokok im sorry i called you emo  
2Hot2Handle: but like im pretty sure you cried about it  
2Hot2Handle: and your mascara started leaking  
GrimReaper: Touche  
SunshineIslands: I’mNotSureWhereHeIs!  
AmazingGrace: Hm, interesting  
SunshineIslands: ITriedContactingHimButHeDidn’tAnswer!  
2Hot2Handle: wait wait wait  
2Hot2Handle: so you guys are telling me  
2Hot2Handle: that hazel is sitting with a group of very smart  
2Hot2Handle: very beautiful and intelligent women  
2Hot2Handle: and none of them are going to tell her  
2Hot2Handle: about the space bar  
FishBoy: what are we doing about frank?  
2Hot2Handle: now im not saying this  
2Hot2Handle: but do we really need him  
2Hot2Handle: now im not saying we should forget all this  
2Hot2Handle: but do we honestly really need him  
GrimReaper: You are a dick sometimes.  
AmazingGrace: What if he died?  
2Hot2Handle: why are you attacking me tho  
2Hot2Handle: im honest when i say i forget about him all the time  
2Hot2Handle: unlike you guys who claim to be his friends  
2Hot2Handle: what kind of friends forget someone  
2Hot2Handle: so can you truly honestly say im a dick  
2Hot2Handle: if im not the one who forgets a friend  
2Hot2Handle: as the hit 2002 disney movie with a budget of only $80 million and received a 86 on rotten tomatoes claims  
2Hot2Handle: ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten  
2Hot2Handle: so ohana bitch  
2Hot2Handle: #rememberfranniezeng  
TedDIEbear: Wow LeO  
2Hot2Handle: except for octavian he can get left behind  
TedDIEbear: You ruined iT  
2Hot2Handle: your face ruined my appetite  
FishBoy: leo's right, even if he called frank frannie zeng.  
FishBoy: how could we forget frank?  
FishBoy: i don’t even know his favorite color.  
Panda_man: uh, ITS green.  
2Hot2Handle: holy fuck  
2Hot2Handle: shit if all it took was a speech to bring back the dead  
2Hot2Handle: im bringing elvis back fuckign  
TedDIEbear: Bring your humor back from the deaD  
2Hot2Handle: you think your funny huh  
2Hot2Handle: watch your back octopus i swear to god  
2Hot2Handle: test me one more time and see what happens i fucking dare you  
Panda_man: uh, WHY did YOU think I was DEAD  
Panda_man: uh, I told YOU guys I was GOING to CANADA for THE week  
FishBoy: shit, i am so sorry.  
FishBoy: tell you what, let make it up and let me take us out so we can all just hangout.  
Panda_man: uh  
FishBoy: it’ll be fun i swear im so sorry frank.  
AmazingGrace: That sounds great, Percy  
2Hot2Handle: idk as long as octopus doesnt come  
TedDIEbear: Leo i will fight yoU  
2Hot2Handle: try me bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **me@ all you sinning fanfic writers** : how u do frank dirty like this.  
> where is he in ur fics. w h o i s h e #rememberfranniezeng


	19. you are a daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao??? apparently i had this written out and drafted on aug 7th wtf, how did i not realize this???
> 
> i legit just came back from homecoming and my feet are killing me
> 
> (are those actually pictures??? what the heck am i doing)

2Hot2Handle: all my hoes in the club say whhhaaaat  
AmazingGrace: What  
2Hot2Handle: ha  
2Hot2Handle: hahaha  
2Hot2Handle: gotcha  
2Hot2Handle: okokok serious talk  
2Hot2Handle: as you may know i am a very good person  
AmazingGrace: Sure  
2Hot2Handle: who cares about people and animals  
2Hot2Handle: but guess what i found  
2Hot2Handle: a stray  
AmazingGrace: You found a stray cat?  
2Hot2Handle: no  
AmazingGrace: Dog?  
2Hot2Handle: nope  
AmazingGrace: ...rabbit?  
2Hot2Handle: nope  
2Hot2Handle: do u give up  
AmazingGrace: Yes  
2Hot2Handle: i found  
2Hot2Handle: a stray  
2Hot2Handle: gay  
2Hot2Handle: and that gay  
2Hot2Handle: is me  
2Hot2Handle: Jason Elizabeth Grace, I am bisexual, and if you hate me for it, then I will not talk to you ever again.  
2Hot2Handle: We as a society, can not tolerate this hate we have for each other.  
2Hot2Handle: So please, except me for who I am.  
AmazingGrace: Accept*  
AmazingGrace: Thats not even my middle name, who is Elizabeth  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: i is shook  
2Hot2Handle: y is that the only thing u got from that  
2Hot2Handle: i even capitalism some words  
AmazingGrace: Capitalize*  
AmazingGrace: Your bisexuality isn’t new  
2Hot2Handle: whut  
2Hot2Handle: i thought it was the biggest mystery  
2Hot2Handle: when i walk into school tomorrow morning  
2Hot2Handle: people would stand at the sides whispering  
2Hot2Handle: as they gossip about me  
2Hot2Handle: and suddenly everyone would be loving and i will cry  
2Hot2Handle: because i would win prom queen  
2Hot2Handle: and we would break into song  
AmazingGrace: Im pretty sure you even said it once  
AmazingGrace: Hold on  
2Hot2Handle: fuck elizabeth  
2Hot2Handle: u r now jason dreamcrusher grace  
2Hot2Handle: i thought there was going to be a parade for the new acceptance of gay people  
2Hot2Handle: where is my parade grace  
2Hot2Handle: where is it  
AmazingGrace: 

>   
>  2Hot2Handle: and i care cause percys cool  
>  Persassy: why, thank you leo.  
>  2Hot2Handle: anything for you  
>  Smartie121: Oh no, do I have to worry about Leo sweeping my boyfriend away?  
>  BeautyQueen: Lol Leos gay but not for raven hair and green eyes  
>  AmazingGrace: Leo's gay?  
>  2Hot2Handle: what  
>  TedDIEbear: Who even cares’ he sucks anywaY  
>  BeautyQueen: Sucks dick aaaayYYYYYY  
>  2Hot2Handle: lmao true  
>    
> 

AmazingGrace: You coming out isn’t even that big  
AmazingGrace: Your entire friend group is gay  
AmazingGrace: And we all know that gay people flock together like sheep  
2Hot2Handle: what do u mean my friend group is gay  
2Hot2Handle: why are you spreading lies dreamcrusher grace  
AmazingGrace: Piper and Calypso are very much in a loving relationship  
AmazingGrace: Nico has been out since middle school  
AmazingGrace: Your entire group of friends are literally gay  
AmazingGrace: Or lesbian if you want to be technical with those two  
2Hot2Handle:  
2Hot2Handle: jason elizabeth dreamcrusher grace  
2Hot2Handle: why  
2Hot2Handle: why must you ruin leo day  
AmazingGrace: It’s okay Leonardis Annie Valdez  
AmazingGrace: Every day can be Leo day  
2Hot2Handle: you [sniff]  
2Hot2Handle: you really mean that [questionmark]  
AmazingGrace: Sure Leo. Whatever you want  
2Hot2Handle: jason  
2Hot2Handle: i  
GrimReaper: Can you not do this in the group chat?  
BeautyQueen: Is there a problem Nico?  
FishBoy: nico, how dare you.  
FishBoy: we need a cousin meeting pronto to discuss the consequences of what you’ve done.  
GrimReaper: You want. An intervention. Because. I. Intervened.  
FishBoy: yes.  
FishBoy: see me outside of class.  
GrimReaper: We’re not in class.  
GrimReaper: If you want me to open this car door,  
GrimReaper: And drop out of this speeding car,  
GrimReaper: Trust me.  
GrimReaper: Because I will do it.  
GrimReaper: With joy.  
FishBoy: okay okay i got it.  
BeautyQueen: Hey if he wants to die  
BeautyQueen: Dont stop his mojo  
2Hot2Handle: you never stop a mans mojo  
GrimReaper: Thank you Leo and Piper.  
GrimReaper: The two half-wits combined to make a single contribution of meaning.  
2Hot2Handle: was that an insult  
GrimReaper: I don’t know, was it?  
BeautyQueen: Im sorry guys hes on his period today  
BeautyQueen: Also I would just be the first to say  
BeautyQueen: The aquarium is closed.  
FishBoy: impossible.  
FishBoy: it’s only closed on sundays.  
AmazingGrace: Percy  
AmazingGrace: This might blow your mind but guess what day it is  
FishBoy:  
FishBoy: now what  
2Hot2Handle: yall can come into my house  
2Hot2Handle: and then we can sneak into graces house  
2Hot2Handle: and flip all his furniture upside down  
AmazingGrace: Im literally  
AmazingGrace: In this chat  
2Hot2Handle: oh sorry hold on

2Hot2Handle blocked AmazingGrace.

2Hot2Handle: yall can come into my house  
2Hot2Handle: and then we can sneak into graces house  
2Hot2Handle: and flip all his furniture upside down  
BeautyQueen: Lmao  
FishBoy: rofl.  
2Hot2Handle: whoa whoa whoa  
2Hot2Handle: did you just say rofl  
2Hot2Handle: who the fuck says rofl anymore  
FishBoy: i do.  
GrimReaper: Leo’s right  
BeautyQueen: Leos always right to you  
BeautyQueen: Or is he bottom or top

GrimReaper blocked BeautyQueen.

2Hot2Handle: anygay  
2Hot2Handle: are you actually rolling on the floor laughing  
FishBoy: sometimes.  
2Hot2Handle: what  
2Hot2Handle: waitwaitwait  
2Hot2Handle: so youre telling me  
2Hot2Handle: that everytime you say rofl  
2Hot2Handle: you might actually be on the floor  
2Hot2Handle: laughin an rollin  
FishBoy: depends.  
2Hot2Handle: jesus  
2Hot2Handle: you are hardcore jackson  
2Hot2Handle: hardcore  
FishBoy: thanks :D  
2Hot2Handle: :D

GrimReaper unblocked BeautyQueen.

BeautyQueen: how dare you  
GrimReaper: I needed more substantial conversation.  
GrimReaper: So I brought you back  
2Hot2Handle: hey piper did u see my snap  
BeautyQueen: No I didnt care  
2Hot2Handle: but ma streaks  
2Hot2Handle: we are at like 120 or something  
GrimReaper: Ha. Amateur.  
GrimReaper: Leo and I are at 457.  
FishBoy: sometimes i forget you don’t have a life.  
GrimReaper: Percy. You tweet on the toilet.  
FishBoy: touche  
2Hot2Handle: watch out for pink eye bro  
2Hot2Handle: wait wheres jason  
BeautyQueen: You blocked him  
BeautyQueen: He’s been silently reading, but can’t comment  
BeautyQueen: I see his ghost of an icon reading it  
BeautyQueen:    
BeautyQueen: Free him  
BeautyQueen:  
BeautyQueen: Free Jason Elizabeth Dreamcrusher Grace

2Hot2Handle unblocked AmazingGrace.

AmazingGrace: Why is Nico a pumpkin  
AmazingGrace: And why is his name Nico Die Angelo  
GrimReaper: Leo.  
2Hot2Handle: me duh  
2Hot2Handle: you cant tell me thats not his real name elizabeth

AmazingGrace blocked 2Hot2Handle.

GrimReaper: It’s a bit hypocritical of you, because of few weeks ago,  
GrimReaper: You persisted in calling him Leonardis even when he said it was embarrassing  
GrimReaper: And reduces his “swag points”.  
GrimReaper: Which to be fair,  
GrimReaper: He never had any swag points.  
FishBoy: so like im at leo’s house right now.  
FishBoy: and his mom baked cookies and they’re really good, guys.  
AmazingGrace: If I go to his house, would he call me Elizabeth?  
FishBoy: he said no  
FishBoy: but he is messing with uh  
FishBoy: something

AmazingGrace unblocked 2Hot2Handle.

AmazingGrace changed name to ElizabethDreamcrusher.

ElizabethDreamcrusher: What the hell?  
2Hot2Handle: you play with fire  
2Hot2Handle: you get burned  
ElizabethDreamcrusher: How did you even do that?  
2Hot2Handle: you dont want to know  
BeautyQueen: Jeez Leo  
BeautyQueen: You were blocked like once  
2Hot2Handle: and we are going to keep it once  
2Hot2Handle: wait a minute  
2Hot2Handle: are we all just going to ignore that percy  
2Hot2Handle: percy is a fucking egg  
2Hot2Handle: and what does that even mean  
2Hot2Handle: it is not i who shushi but you who shushid  
2Hot2Handle: what kind of drugs have octavian been giving you  
FishBoy: it’s a quote.  
GrimReaper: From who?  
FishBoy: uh  
BeautyQueen: Im literally screaming what  
ElizabethDreamcrusher: How do I change names back?  
BeautyQueen: What quote from who  
FishBoy: i dont want to talk about it anymore  
GrimReaper: Leo why are you so extreme  
2Hot2Handle: i totally did not do the egg and sushi thing  
2Hot2Handle: thats all him  
GrimReaper: Not that.  
GrimReaper: Jason’s profile.  
2Hot2Handle: oh  
ElizabethDreamcrusher: ?  
BeautyQueen:   
ElizabethDreamcrusher: Leo  
2Hot2Handle: fine fine ill change it back

ElizabethDreamcrusher changed name to JasonGrason.

JasonGrason: Why this  
JasonGrason: I liked my old name  
2Hot2Handle: copyright  
2Hot2Handle: turns out someone already had the name when i tried it out again  
2Hot2Handle: imma have to work somethings out  
2Hot2Handle: but u gotta be that for now  
JasonGrason: Hmm  
2Hot2Handle: anyway did i tell you guys about what happened  
GrimReaper: You always give unnecessary tidbits about your day, even when no one asks for it.  
2Hot2Handle: yh but this is cool  
2Hot2Handle: so i was at the pharmacy in the  
2Hot2Handle: uh  
2Hot2Handle: ladies hygiene section  
BeautyQueen: You mean the  
2Hot2Handle: dont u fucking say it  
BeautyQueen: Alright alright  
2Hot2Handle: anyway  
2Hot2Handle: i was there  
2Hot2Handle: and guess who i saw  
FishBoy: who.  
GrimReaper: The suspense is killing me so much, that it just grips my bones  
GrimReaper: And pulls on my thoughts  
GrimReaper: Until my only purpose in life  
GrimReaper: Is to wait for Leo’s answer.  
2Hot2Handle: why r u so extra  
GrimReaper: Why’d it take you so long to answer?  
2Hot2Handle: i was doing something stfu  
2Hot2Handle: anyway it was queenqueen  
JasonGrason: Reyna  
2Hot2Handle: anyway we just talked and stuff  
2Hot2Handle: she said something about her sister being annoying  
2Hot2Handle: she really wants to talk to jay but doesnt think hell understand  
JasonGrason: Excuse me  
2Hot2Handle: blahblablah something about soup  
2Hot2Handle: and blahblahhow she just wants to sleep  
2Hot2Handle: but she feels sick and bloated yaddayaddayadda  
2Hot2Handle: but get this  
2Hot2Handle: i looked in her bag and guess what i saw  
GrimReaper: Her sister’s head, and a bag of peanuts.  
JasonGrason: She’s allergic to nuts  
GrimReaper: So it’s just the head, Leo. Just the head.  
2Hot2Handle: no  
2Hot2Handle: guys isnt it obvious  
2Hot2Handle: pregnancy tests  
2Hot2Handle: jason  
2Hot2Handle: you are a daddy  
FishBoy: :O  
JasonGrason: That’s literally impossible  
2Hot2Handle: i cant believe you would do it  
2Hot2Handle: with her  
JasonGrason: I didn’t do anything  
2Hot2Handle: i thought  
2Hot2Handle: you will be a good father my man  
2Hot2Handle: i have faith in you  
2Hot2Handle: if you need anything just call  
JasonGrason: I’m not a father  
2Hot2Handle: no  
2Hot2Handle: dont you dare deny your child  
2Hot2Handle: i swear to god jason do not leave that innocent soul  
2Hot2Handle: be better than my father  
2Hot2Handle: be better than all those men out there  
2Hot2Handle: you can do it  
JasonGrason: But I’m not even a father  
GrimReaper: Jason. Just let this happen.  
BeautyQueen: Wait so are we going to ignore the fact  
BeautyQueen: That Leo was in the tampon section  
2Hot2Handle: jesus fucking christ piper  
2Hot2Handle: we were appreciating the gift of life  
2Hot2Handle: and hear you come with your tampon speech  
2Hot2Handle: you couldnt have left it alone could you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okokok so at the time of when i wrote this chap (still can't believe it's just been sitting here for months w o w a+ past me) i found another chat fic.
> 
>  
> 
> [and like. jason's name was AmazingGrace. something like that. idk. either way, appearantly that name had been around much longer than i've use it so haha copyright? idk. i respect that author and their use of the name so :P](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7341862)
> 
>  
> 
> haha anyway, go read that fic, i heard its hella funny and much better than mine so enjoy it guys. (i can't read it until im done with this, for fear of accidentally copying and using more ideas!!!!) uhh idk what i'm going to be doing about that title tho uhoh
> 
>  
> 
> ~~lmao please don't sue me in fanfiction court i don't want discourse that i'm actually involved in~~
> 
> **EDIT:** fukinbulshiote apearantely i publissh furst??? waht bulshiote. but they have more kudos, so i guess i'm bowing down to their mastery lmao. good for them!!! (also flirelordzuuko is such a kickass name omg)

**Author's Note:**

> have a good day :)


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